A Guide to Being Artsy

Tired of being called “basic?” Drained from wasting money on avocados and açai to be “hipster?” Well, you’re in luck because there’s a new label in town. More and more people today are embracing the “artsy” lifestyle, opting for less reason and more feeling. Artsy isn’t about getting a 99 in Art App, impressing people by taking AP Art History, or even just being the best artist around. It’s about living as art itself. Here’s a guide to living your best artsy life because after all, life imitates art (and not the other way around!).

INSTAGRAM

Whatever your page looks like now, trash it. Burn it. Don’t even save one picture. Your bio shouldn’t be more than just your name and a thought. High school and graduating class is very un-artsy. Your new aesthetic needs to be incohesive and inconsistent, yet still interesting. Post any trippy, reflection-type photos. Harsh rainbow lighting is the best type of lighting. Any videos must be strange, bear no context, and be understood by only a few others. Find any murals in the city and pose in front of them simultaneously unironically and ironically. The blurrier the pictures, the better. Never smile in selfies—any pictures of you should be looking down at the camera with some half-confused and half-constipated expression. Captions should also be short and can be enigmatic or straight-up nonsensical. Emojis should be limited; make sure they have nothing to do with your picture and are the ones that literally no one else uses.

MUSIC

What’s pop music? Never heard of it. In fact, you’ve never heard of anything except for the very underground indie artists that no one else has heard of either. Make sure all the artists that you follow on Spotify have less than -10 monthly listeners. Name your playlists some sort of combination of a color, a fruit, and a time of day. Your friends will surely appreciate your Dusty Purple Kiwi Afternoon and your Pee Yellow Coconut Crack of Dawn.

DRESS

Thrift the most worn-in clothes possible. Make sure they are near-breaking and retain all the scents of the previous owner. Wear T-shirts and bags with profound messages that you yourself don’t understand. Accessories can be wire earrings as long as they are bent into some sort of shape. And tell people it’s a word or something, so they can look at your earrings for a while until they pretend that they can see it.

HAIR

Really short bangs. Like, really short and really blunt. And cut them yourself. We don’t know why. Just do it.