A Holiday Tale for Students Young and Old

’Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the class / Not a creature was stirring, not even the rats. / Communist posters were hung with great care / And the scent of frozen garbage wafted through the air.

The underclassmen were enjoying a nice rest in their beds / While seniors had college apps plaguing their heads. / With deans stealing lunches and waking children from naps, / Students complained, “Nah, man, that must be cap.”

Up on the 11th floor pool, there arose such a clatter / Principal Yu sprang up from his desk to see what was the matter. / Into the library, juniors flew like a flash / To secure a good study spot, there occurred a mad dash.

Fluorescent lights set the windows aglow, / Making everyone’s seasonal depression grow. / But what to our sleep-deprived eyes did appear / But a loud motorbike and a fat man with a beard.

Enshrined by vape smoke, causing great applause, / I knew all at once he must be Cool Santa Claus / Visiting overworked students all over the land / Hoping to spread joy and give a helping hand.

“Now Roaches, now pigeons, now cafeteria slime, / Let us give these fine children a wonderful time!” / He called upon his army of holiday creatures / To give us a lesson with the school’s finest teachers.

Out of the cracks they all flew to his call / As all the scared students flooded into the hall. / Hiding the backpacks and smashing many a laptop, / Cool Santa put all of the homework to a stop. /

Blasting cupcakKe on all the PA machines now, / The students began to dance gaily around. / He showered them with blessings, like gifts and candy; / All the students thought this was incredibly dandy.

They shouted and cheered with the utmost glee / And Cool Santa knew all of their worries would flee. / With his red leather jacket and snakeskin pants / And the inescapable stench of a certain green plant.

With a twist of his ring, joyful lights do appear, / And with the tap of his Timbs, he brings holiday cheer / To young suffering chaps who are in great peril / Of turning into Scrooge from “A Christmas Carol.”

Cool Santa’s visits bring everyone a good thrill / Showing all of the students what it’s like to be yass-pilled. / Alas, like everything his time came to an end, / And goodbyes to Cool Santa everyone had to send.

He called to the children as he hopped on his bike, /

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.”