A New Use For The Buying And Selling Group

With every new semester, students scramble to get the easiest teachers and endlessly complain when guidance counselors, AP’s, and Mr. Contreras all decline their demands to change every one of their classes to Poetry, Basketball, and five lunches. They are desperately left with one option: overpaying seniors for their spot in that class.

Although seedy transactions are no new phenomenon, they are now hijacking the buying and selling Facebook group. Normally, this group is used for copping that latest Supreme hoodie and attempting to avoid breaking the bank on a drafting kit.

This year, the most memorable purchase in the group was a freshman buying an 11th floor pool pass for $1500. Last year, the record was set by a student with a broken leg who sold his elevator pass for $500 to a very lazy second-term senior (he used the cash to buy a new leg and a Club Penguin Island membership). The pass was then resold to a sleepless junior for $900. Rumor has it that he was so tired that he thought he saw a decimal after the 9 and considered it a bargain. And yet, these prices pale in comparison to the current market for classes.

A high demand class like Algebra I for seniors could go for $5000, or various services buyers deem worth the transfer (wink wink). The class list was quickly posted, and enrolled students were immediately drowned with urgent pm’s. Junior Robert Nava, who was in this math class, had to deactivate his Facebook because he was getting harassed every five minutes with offers for his spot. Luckily, now he will not have all of his information sold by Mark Zuckerberg.

Per the history of the Facebook group, ambiguous price tags on class swaps can lead to bidding wars and even physical altercations. Two freshmen almost killed each other in the Hudson staircase over a fifth period biology class. Both are in critical condition and sustained possibly fatal wounds from being stabbed with freshly sharpened pencils. During their time in the hospital, with their organs laying on a table, they learned more about biology than they would have in the class.

The administration has come out as a direct opponent of this selling and has been taking extreme precautionary measures to stop it. Many teachers even suggested that the buying and selling group should be shut down. Students are outraged by this idea, claiming they would have to pay an extra $5.00 for a brand new doll for the baby project. “I wouldn’t care at all about the fighting, but Contreras is concerned about the New York Post picking up this story and exposing another Stuyvesant scandal,” AP of Security, Health, and P.E. Brian Moran said. These transactions will die down as the semester progresses, but all bets will be off for Rollerblading next fall.