Cheap *ss Lunch #13: Cheap *ss… Breakfast?!

It’s been a wild ride. From greasy pizza to mind-blowing falafel, the highs of occasional hallway compliments and the extended low of the lockdown pause, I’ve loved every moment of Cheap *ss Lunch. Yes, even running back to the building after a full plate of chicken over rice to the scanner ladies wouldn’t revoke my building-leaving privileges. But all good things must come to an end, or at least switch writers when the previous one graduates. So for my final piece for this newspaper, I’ll top off Cheap *ss Lunch by trying some… breakfast.

A lot of y’all aren't eating breakfast, and that’s a problem. With first-period Cycling, 2 a.m. AP study sessions, and commutes over an hour long, it’s no wonder a large fraction of the Stuyvesant student body regularly misses the most important meal of the day. But while this column can’t tell you why the Program Office thinks cardio is a good idea at eight in the morning or provide a genius mnemonic for keeping track of all the suborbitals, it can certainly give you the inside scoop on all the best places to grab a quick bite to start your day.

The quintessential New York breakfast is the egg sandwich: melted cheese with a radioactive-orange hue coating a cloud of egg lodged into a round roll, perhaps with some greasy bacon fresh out of the pan. Tribeca certainly has plenty of options in this department, some of which would be standouts in value or flavor even if they weren’t in such close proximity to the school building.

Those who go to Terry’s for the massive subs or pizza bagels might be surprised to learn that it has an entire section of their menu with the ambitious title “Breakfast Delights.” This list essentially boils down to a choice between some type of egg sandwich ($3) or a platter ($5-7) with the carbs of the roll replaced by potato (your pick of home fries or hash browns) and either toast or an English muffin. The former has a satisfying heft: a supple roll around generic egg and cheese, the brightly colored, melted American cheese predictably drowning out the layers of egg beneath. A solid $2 upgrade will get you a steak and onion for an addition of dry shreds of beef and almost florally fragrant onions. The plates come jammed into a tinfoil carton, piping hot with a feast of fluffy sheets of omelet (make it “Western” for chunks of earthy ham and a bit of color from peppers and onions), the potato product, and your bread selection slathered with salted butter. The hashbrown is a thick mash of shredded potato, its edges toasted but its center closer to the consistency of mashed potatoes. Any way you go, you’ll get a reasonably priced umami meal that, if not groundbreaking, will at least be a good contrast to the typical stultifyingly sweet American breakfast.

Zucker’s might be known more for its La Colombe coffee and eye-popping bagel prices, but you can find a serious steal in the depths of its menu. Similar to Terry’s plates, its Omelets are composed of a full three eggs and accompanied by a selection from almost 20 different white, wheat, pumpernickel bagels topped with anything from everything seasoning to poppy seeds to wheat bran. Oh, and also a latke to top it off, all for only $8-10, depending on if you want cheese, salami, turkey, or the “Western” blend inside. Tables outside and in and plenty of (fairly overpriced) drink options make this the best of the breakfast spots for a longer stay, appropriate for its less-than-speedy service.

The eggs are well done with a fresh-off-the-griddle flavor, folded golden layers filled to the bursting with the entire range of deli cheeses (American, Swiss, cheddar and pepper jack: a tangy mass of gooey goodness) to savory sheets of turkey. The breakfast latke is more substantial than what you’ve come to expect every Hanukkah, the outside with the characteristic crispiness but an extra black pepper flavor and a hashbrown-like interior. The obvious option is to pile this all onto the bagel and make a sandwich, but the bagels are captivating enough to be savored on their own, a syrupy flavor and a chewy shell merging seamlessly into a beautifully pillowy center.

Not directly on the route to school for most but still worth a visit is Los Tacos No. 1, in front of which squats a little cart known as “El Donkey” every day until 11 a.m. Here you’ll find breakfast burritos for $6: a conveniently foil-wrapped torpedo almost too hot to touch, and plenty of hot sauce containers and napkins to take with you. A sticker of the aforementioned Burro peels back to reveal the burrito, almost steamed in its own heat. All four of the different flavors on offer share the same base, a pliant wheat tortilla filled with gobs of fluffy egg and warm spices.

The Chorizo is almost spicy enough not to need the hot sauce, but that minced Salsa is a good idea all the same, its smoky heat playing feistily across the palate (don’t even think about downing it straight from the container… you’ve been warned). The Machaca pairs peppery vegetables with stringy stewed beef (the A La Mexicana is the same, minus the meat), and the aptly named California features French fried potato and smoky fragments of bacon held together by a mortar of stringy melted cheese. Two of these will do well to satisfy even the most ravenous of morning appetites. Or you could stop by Chun Yang for a tall cup of caffeine and sugar and sit at a table in the little park near the Chambers Street 1-2-3 station to complete the meal.

Thanks to everyone who’s supported this column from the beginning, and even if this is your first encounter with CAL, I hope you’ve come away with the same idea that has animated this series for the past four years: a good meal can always be found at your price point, even in a free-period-long jaunt from Stuyvesant.

Directions: Terry’s Gourmet Deli is down the block from the main entrance, steps away from Hudson River Park. Zucker’s is on Chambers Street, about two blocks down from the bridge on the right side of the street. Los Tacos No. 1 is on the corner of Warren and Church Streets, three blocks forward and one to the right from the bridge.