Chug an Espresso before Finalizing Your Applications

Nowadays, it’s phenomenally easy to click buttons x, y, and z and somehow solve all the world’s crises. We live in the future, I tell you, a future in which technology can only help us. Or so we thought.

Our dear friend June was submitting their Common Application on the morning of November 1. Everything was going smoothly. All the essays were written, all the recommendations were sent, all the transcripts were en route, and all the tests were taken. June was living the life and was about to hit submit.

They began filling out all of their personal information for every college application at the bright and early hour of 10:59 p.m., one hour before the deadline. June had everything planned out perfectly. That was, at least until their train got delayed—they’d planned to get home early Monday night to finish all these tasks. Shucks. Regardless, June didn’t have much to do, just inputting the activities and such. It seemed like a rather simple task.

However, nothing is as easy as it may seem at face value: June’s Common App account got hacked! June encountered the godforsaken security question they had picked purely for the memes, never expecting to need to answer it. June had to then write a 10-page thesis on the origins of coasters to turn on the computer as a result of this immature planning. When June thought they were finally ready to get back to the applications, they spilled their Monster Energy drink all over their keyboard, shorting the circuit. All those meticulously chosen keys June found on eBay were now lost to the universe. At least they’re still out there somewhere. But alas, the stress ensued.

The minutes and seconds rolled on as June then turned to completing these applications on their phone, typing faster than the speed at which you ran to Art Appreciation last Tuesday. All they needed to do was input some credit card information at this point. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
“And submitted!” June exclaimed at the concerningly late time of 11:53 p.m.

June stared at their growing crystal collection on their nightstand and got a stirring intuition at around 2:00 a.m., so they checked up on their applications. Disaster had struck. June submitted their grandmother’s secret matzo ball recipe instead of their Common App essay. How could they have been so blind? Oh, the infinite anguish! All those years of work for this one essay, gone in the blink of an eye. All those mentors, all those peer edits, and all those chugged Americanos. Not that anyone would ever understand how June could chug a whole watered-down coffee, but to each their own. Pure shock ensued, rendering June paralyzed. Their fingers lost dexterity, the room started doing cartwheels, and their mind started moving way too fast for their conscious brain to keep up. While June sat there with a bajillion thoughts racing around their mental track, you’d never guess by looking at them at that moment.

Instead of doing anything, June just simply sat until they could sit no more and had to get ready for school at 6:00 a.m. One by one, Common App sent confirmation e-mails, confirmation e-mails June wished they weren’t seeing. “Congratulations! Your application to ____ has been received.” The most dreaded words June could have seen. If only their mouse had moved two pixels higher in the impulsive decision-making process of submitting every application in five minutes.

Despite your burning anticipation, you’re never going to know definitively what happened to June. Instead, use your imagination here: if you believe June got into every one of the six colleges they applied to with a matzo ball recipe as their personal statement, go for it. However, if you believe June got swiftly rejected, then go for that. The power lies in your hands. Double-check what you’re submitting.