Corruption, Extortion, Deception!

We are the Corporation for Political Domination, and we present an amazing new package: Corruption, Extortion, Deception!. This package is one of the MOST useful tools when dealing with uneducated peasants. Some may call it an abuse of power, but a more intuitive definition would be the creative and innovative expansion of power. Have you wanted to creatively upgrade your power ever since you got that unfairly low grade from that one corrupt teacher? Of course you have. By using Corruption, Extortion, Deception!, anything is possible! In fact, nine out of 10 politicians recommend it for almost guaranteed success.

Got a nation of millions of uneducated serfs? Corruption, Extortion, Deception!. Got a sibling who has the only computer with Minecraft downloaded? Corruption, Extortion, Deception!. Got a teacher who won’t give you the 100 you deserve instead of the 64 you got? Corruption, Extortion, Deception!. Got into BMCC instead of Harvard like you obviously deserve? Well, it would be more useful to be a legacy, but Corruption, Extortion, Deception! is still a great alternative to actually trying to do the best with what you have!

But wait! There’s more!

Even professionals who have been using our products for years love the new Corruption Extortion, Deception! package! The American government, in particular, has been giving it glowing reviews. A 2019 survey of senators shows 99 percent effectiveness. (Go to our website, www.corporationforpoliticaldomination.com, and check out our infamous Guillotine! and Overtaxation for Military Funding! packages! They’re a little out of date but still very useful tools! Trust us!)

We also have glowing reviews from all of our customers: Former President Donald Trump says before using this new package, he was a bankrupt businessman, but after only a few months of use, he became the president of the United States!

But if you’re worried about missing out on all the cool Instagram posts that say, “Just earned my first 100,000 in exchange for changing the laws of the land a little bit! #CorruptionExtortionDeception! #moneyislife #getyaheadinthegame #hellyeahpolitics #corruptionmakesmesorich!,” worry not!

For a limited time only, we’re gifting this package for free during the election months—don’t wait for an investigation; use Corruption, Extortion, Deception!. For even more deals, call 1-800-Corruption now, and we’ll throw in a completely free guide to fooling your clueless clients if you pay a fee to fund our world domination charity.

Side effects include impeachment, being canceled, and death. The Corporation takes no responsibility for any consequences of idiotic action with the Corruption, Extortion, Deception! package.