Humor

Dates or Dailies? Spec Asks: How Do Stuy Couples Spend Valentine’s Day?

The Spectator Humor Department interviews couples on their Valentine’s Day plans!

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Stuyvesant High School is not exactly a school with a lot of rizz. We spend so much time focusing on AP Chemistry that we forget about the type of chemistry that matters—those butterflies in your stomach when your crush walks by, your heart thumping out of your chest, your palms sweating bottles of Poland Spring. Why find love when you can (hopefully) find a Harvard acceptance letter in the mail? If I wanted to find a lover, I would go to an easier school, like Bronx Science.

While most of us will spend Valentine’s Day whining on Instagram and TikTok about our lack of a hand to hold, there are always a few lucky ones (not me!) who manage to pull through just in time for Valentine’s Day. No matter how they got together, whether through the tried-and-true method of “Where my hug at?” or even by going after a freshman (vomit), The Spectator decided to interview some couples in the halls and ask about their Valentine’s Day plans.


Ethan Chen and Katherin Zhu, Sophomore and Sophomore


“What are you guys going to do for Valentine’s Day?”

Ethan: “I don’t know, actually. What’d you want to do today, bae?”

Katherin: “Hmmm… wanna go to a gaming cafe? Ooh, we can go to Waypoint Cafe! They have such nice PCs.”

Ethan: “Yeah, but that involves going outside…you know I’m allergic to grass because I don't go outside…”

Katherin: “Bruh, I can’t believe that you’re really weak to the Dendro, that’s kinda cringe ngl—”

Ethan: “Shut up!!! I don’t want to hear it from someone who can’t even hit Gold in Valorant.”

Katherin: “You shouldn’t be talking! You play for three hours every day even though you have your AP World History Edpuzzles to do!”

Ethan: “I know what we’re doing today… I’ll help you climb to Gold.”

Katherin: “Well, you know, I would actually hit Gold if our Reyna wouldn’t [EXPLETIVE] throw the game all the time!”

Ethan: “Jeez, kitten, you know you can’t say those words in public! I forbade you!”

Katherin: “I’m sowwy….0w0”

Ethan: “You can make it up to me by not instalocking Jett!”

(They then walk away, still bickering over the better Agent while holding hands.)


Shortly after this interview, our interviewers had to take a short break to throw up into a garbage can.


Krishna Patel and Elizabeth Le, Sophomore and Junior


“What are you guys going to do for Valentine’s Day?”

Krishna: “We’re going to hang out in a staircase for our shared four to five free period!”

Elizabeth: “Stawwpp, you’re not supposed to say that!” (She grabs Krishna’s arm and giggles.)

Krishna: “Come on, there’s like two more months left in cuffing season anyway… It’s not like anyone is doing anything else this time of year.”

Elizabeth: “But it’s so awkward when you say it out loud…”

Krishna: “It’s nothing…inappropriate. It’s all school appropriate.”

(Our interviewers ask what “hanging out” entails.)

Krishna: “Oh you know, like talking…and stuff.”

Elizabeth: “Yeah! All the stuff you see going on at the Sophomore Bar!”

Krishna: “That’s not really helping our case here, Liz.”

Elizabeth: “It’s fine, right? Not like anyone reads The Spectator anyway, right?”

Krishna: “Yeah, but we definitely need to find a new spot after—”

(Krishna then pulls Elizabeth close and whispers into her ear. The words “Stuyvesant Confessions” and “Moran” are heard.)

Elizabeth: “Oh, you’re right. But where?”

(The couple walks off, engrossed in a secretive conversation as they navigate the crowded hallway.)


Our interviewers have no comments on this story.


Alvin Kim and Kelly Lin, Senior and Freshman


“What are you guys going to do for Valentine’s Day?”

Kelly: “He came up to me and asked if I needed help to find my classes ‘cause it was my first day of school, and I said yes! He was soooo dreamy and he also was like BFFs with my brother, but it was weird that all of his friends were snickering behind him but its pr—”

(Our interviewers reiterate the question.)

Alvin: “Going to K-Town. She just loves Grace Street—you know how it be.”

Kelly: “Oh yeah! The sunset lemonade is great! The shaved ice is sooo good. You just have to try some. Then we’ll probably go to karaoke, then back to his house!”

Alvin: “Yeah, I live alone. You know, parents trying to ‘prepare me for college’ and all that. They’re in New Hampshire right now.”

Kelly (giggling): “We’re going to watch so many movies and stuff—it’s going to be so much fun!”

(Our interviewers then ask what their friends think of their relationship.)

Kelly: “All of my friends think it’s cool! They all want to date someone if they’re as cool as Alvin is.”

Alvin: “Well, uh, some of my friends have interesting takes on it. They think I’m a freshie hunter. I’m not. Kelly’s just…very mature for her age. I mean, it’s just a number after all, right?

(Following that statement, Alvin takes a step back and starts walking away from our interviewers, disappearing into the crowded hallway.)

Kelly: “Babe, wait up!”

(Kelly then follows him down the crowded hallway.)


Ultimate takeaway: Stuy kids… are interesting. Stuy kids in relationships? Horrific.


Disclaimer: The opinions reflected in these interviews do not necessarily reflect the opinions of The Spectator but of the individuals they are reporting on.