Easter Egg Infestation

The following journal entries were found stuffed into a chocolate easter egg, covered in raw egg yolks.

March 28, 2024

Dear Diary,

The strangest little thing happened today! I was stuffing my most recent math test (that my parents would kill me for if they ever found out what I got) into the back of my locker, when a small pink egg rolled out of it! When I shook the egg, it made a little scratching sound. All of a sudden, the shell cracked and a baby bunny popped out. It ran down the hall before I could do anything, but none of the other students reacted to it! Nothing out of the ordinary, though, since Stuyvesant students are always dead inside and never pay attention to their surroundings!

Confused and sleep deprived,

Bartholomew Ferliage

March 31, 2024

Dear Diary,

I opened the fridge today to get a snack, and all I saw were dyed Easter eggs. Hundreds upon hundreds of eggs, laying around and inside all of the leftover food! They even got into my Cup Noodles! NOBODY touches my Cup Noodles, not even Senior SING!! I spent the last three hours bashing each and every egg I could find, even peeling tinfoil off of leftover bowls of rice and opening tubs of ice cream in search of stray eggs.

I felt good about myself for doing this! I was finally contributing to the family, performing valuable “community service,” as my parents had always been nagging me about!

Or so I thought. You can probably tell how shocked I was when my mom told me I had been hitting the table for multiple hours with a crazed look in my eyes. I’m not delusional… right?

Frantically eating a bowl of ramen,

Bartholomew Ferliage

April 3, 2024

Dear Diary,

I think this egg thing is getting worse… I was opening my notebook for class today, and out of it, strange eggs spilled everywhere! And when I was walking to the train station, an entire building vanished and reappeared as an egg! My friends have even started being replaced by eggs, and I had to resist the urge to crack them open. I don’t even know how they were still talking, despite being turned into massive Easter eggs.

Later at home, I tried to prepare myself some scrambled eggs for dinner, but when I opened the carton of eggs, a giant bunny popped out of one of the eggs, swallowed the carton whole, and whacked me with the frying pan before leaping out the window!

I must put an end to this… and I think I know how. FLEX TAP—sorry, the impulsive thoughts won for a second. What I meant to write was that I recently found some egg repellent laying in an abandoned dumpster! It supposedly flings eggs away at terminal velocity with 101 percent accuracy. Perfect! The eggs won’t stand a chance!

Grinning evilly,

Bartholomew Ferliage

April 5, 2024

Dear Diary,

Whew, I think the barrage of eggs has stopped! I didn’t see a single egg-shaped object today, save for a big goose egg on my APUSH test! Finally, I can walk around without accidentally stepping on eggs! I can have my bed to myself, and not have to share it with 16 million little quail eggs! I hope the eggs never come back, but for good measure, I threw out all six cartons of eggs in our fridge!

Relieved and egg-free,

Bartholomew Ferliage

April 6, 2024

THEY CAME BACK! THERE WERE EGGS FLYING AT ME CONSTANTLY AND I COULDN'T SEE ANYTHING BESIDES CRACKED EGGSHELLS AND YOLKS!

SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM THIS CURSE. WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO DESERVE THIS OTHER THAN NOT SORT MY CAFETERIA TRASH CORRECTLY THAT ONE TIME?

I’VE BEEN TRYING TO SLEEP FOR THE PAST FOUR HOURS BUT EGGS FROM THE SUPERMARKET KEEP FLYING TOWARDS ME EVERY 10 MINUTES. MY ENTIRE ROOM IS FILLED WITH EGGS AND EVEN WORSE THE EGGS ARE HATCHING INTO RABBITS WHO ARE NOW BEGINNING TO SCRATCH ME. 

WHY ARE MY PARENTS JUST STARING AT ME DO THEY NOT SEE THE EGGS CAN THEY HELP ME PLEASE

April 9, 2024

Dear Egg,

I give up! They’re everywhere! Everything has turned into eggs, even my precious box of Cup Noodles! I can’t live without my daily dose of MSG and high sodium! I feel… my strength… leaving… 

Egg egg egg,

Egg egg

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