Elf Protest Against Santa Start Amidst Allegations of Workshop Mistreatment

Last weekend, dozens of elves gathered to picket outside Santa’s Workshop, protesting the unfair working conditions in the factory. The protest started after a small group of whistleblowers leaked security footage from inside the workshop showing that the elves were forced to work in cramped, snow-filled rooms packed with dangerous machinery. Many elves working in the factory joined the protests, corroborating the claims released by the whistleblowers about Santa’s mistreatment.

An elf who asked to remain anonymous for his safety said, “I don’t know how anyone would willingly work for that twisted man. I mean, for Rudolph’s sake! He watches kids every day of the year to make sure they’re good and going to sleep on time!” 

When asked about the working conditions inside the factory, the elf exposed some insider information. “Well, not only is he starting production increasingly earlier each year, he’s also stopped paying for heating and basic window repair! He keeps mumbling about how inflation has hit the North Pole…we’re working knee-deep in snow and ice, and he won’t even fix the window panes,” the elf told The Spectator.

It’s important to note that the North Pole is not associated with the United Nations, so it doesn’t have to follow their standards of labor. When asked about what it’s like to work for Santa, Bellus Jinglus, a retired elf, replied, “Back in my day, it was the same as any other respectable job, like reindeer masseuse or candy cane paver. You know, a normal nine to five, five days a week? We even got sleigh insurance! Nowadays, you’ll never find an elf who hasn’t spent weeks in the Workshop without a single sled break!”

Additionally, when asked about the work being done in the factory, Jinglus told The Spectator, “The darn production’s gotten so tight, and for what? Making Skibidi toilets, I betcha. What happened to quality control? We couldn’t even give kids Kinder Surprise Eggs. What do kids even want nowadays, huh? Discord Nitrogen?”

To meet the demand of the ever-growing human population, the number of elves working in Santa’s workshop has also increased exponentially. While Santa’s Workshop was once a family-owned business, it has now turned into a large production site, encroaching on land formerly used for reindeer farming. Over 70 percent of the reindeer farmers have moved out of the neighborhood since 2000, according to the 2020 North Pole Census. 

Regarding the encroachment of Santa’s Workshop onto reindeer land, the elf said, “[The Claus Family] sure as Claus won’t leave ‘em alone! Last week I saw a reindeer getting dragged out of the factory by its antlers, just ‘cause it wanted to keep a single iceberg of farmland!”

This new elf movement has taken its demands to other Claus-run agencies as well, setting up a line in front of the Department of Sleigh Vehicles and the Rudolph T.R.N. Reindeer Memorial. They have united under the chant, “Santa Get Run Over By a Reindeer,” a nod to the traditional reindeer hymn, “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.”
When asked to comment, the Claus family refused to acknowledge the protesters’ demands, stating, “We, the noble house of Claus, condemn the actions of any elf, reindeer, or penguin who holds up our noble goal of filling the children of the world with happiness.” 

The Elf Labor Force issued a statement in response: “We won’t back down anytime soon. Santa should know that winter is coming. Everyone else should know that it’s not going to be trouble in paradise—it’s going to be trouble in this winter wonderland.”