Exploring Student-Parent Relationships

This year’s parent-teacher conferences (PTC) represented a chance for students and parents to reevaluate grades and set goals for future terms. With so many teachers and grades to discuss, the pressure on students was definitely a defining factor of the meetings. Sophomore Suhani Agrawal noticed this change. “I think in general terms, there does seem to be more pressure around PTC season due to the simple fact that you start to get the feeling of grades coming back as a whole, and for most kids, there’s a lot of added pressure from family. And just the general workload during the time increases,” she said. She also stated that this pressure depends on the type of relationship students have with their family, and the certain expectations that are behind it. “I think it goes either one of two ways; for most students, pressure by parents is added during PTC season because parents have high expectations and sometimes don’t understand what a student is exactly going through, but for others, their family can either be carefree or just supportive in general,” she stated.

When asked about the type of relationship he has with his family, sophomore Bwohan Wang replied, “The relationship between me and my family is a positive one, since they are very supportive of my studies and my club activities. They also try to assist me as much as possible in any subjects or topics that I may struggle in.” He described his family as positive when it comes to school in general. His parents’ attitudes toward his grades are also on the more lenient side, as he mentions that he is given independence when it comes to schoolwork. “My relation between me and my father is not a very strict one since he trusts in my ability to be responsible and complete my work.”

He acknowledges the small sacrifices that his family makes to leave room for his schoolwork. “They also try to make life as easy as possible for me, letting me concentrate on assignments and understanding that I may need to cancel previously made plans due to examinations,” he said.

These relationships vary, however. In an interview with another student, sophomore Claire Shin described her relationship with her mother as a sterner one. "I feel like sometimes, I have to hide lots of things from my mom—things like grades, mostly, because personally, I’ve set the bar really high for my family because I got into Stuy," she said. Shin also acknowledged the expectations that she is faced with. "In middle school I did well; my mom wants me to carry that on. I feel personally that sophomore year is harder than freshman year. Despite what a lot of people say, I find that I get a lot more work, and I have to work harder for grades that weren’t as good as last year," she said. She summed up her explanation with a truthful note, admitting, “It’s just—not very good.”

Another sophomore, however, had a relationship that was a fair medium between the two, describing not only her parents but how she puts pressure on herself. As Agrawal stated, “Personally, my parents support me in what I want to do, and when it comes to grades, there [are] definitely different expectations than [those from] middle school. I’d say that for them, seeing me stay up late to work or study for tests shows that I’m trying. They are very open to whatever I want to do, but right now, I feel like I don’t exactly know what I want to do, so I feel like I add more pressure on myself than my family does.” She observed the differences between students and parents as a whole. “Parents tend to plan for the future more and think on the line of ‘I want my child to become a doctor, or engineer, or lawyer, etc.,’ while for Stuyvesant students, it’s hard to plan ahead and easier to support each other and help each other with what we currently enjoy most,” she said. In the end, Agrawal views the connection between her and her family as a supportive one. “When it comes to my family, they seem to be happy with whatever I currently enjoy most, and that’s the best thing I could ask for because I don’t like to plan ahead; I’m more of a go-with-the-flow person.”

The variations of these relationships can depend on the type of expectations your families may have for you as a Stuyvesant student. These expectations affect how students view their school lives and grades. For some, having strict parents would mean having a more strict life with pressures to exceed high expectations. For others, having less strict families can affect their view of their life as a student in a less stressful way. Despite the variations in these student-parent relationships and the differences each student has, it’s important to remember that grades and other school-based subjects should not control and dictate your relationship. It’s best to focus on working with your family to build that relationship up with strong foundations.