It’s Time to Lock In: Tips For All Your AP Exams

AP exams are underway, and we at Spec Humor are sure that all of you reading this are absolutely #cooked. Sure, you may have planned to lock in during Spring Break, but did that really happen? Rest assured. As AP veterans, we’ll act as a beacon of shining light in these pressing times and give you some last-minute tips on some important (junior) AP classes to help you not completely fail your exams. You can probably do this! 

AP United States History/AP World History/AP European History:

We all know Heimler’s History is the elite AP History source, and to score a five on the AP exam, you must listen to him. It’s not enough to simply watch his videos—you need to religiously follow him to maximize the brain cow milking. Lock yourself in a cave and absorb the content from his videos. Dress in his iconic blue flannels, shave your head bald, and buy an exact wearable replica of his beard off eBay to get into the character of an APUSH master and show that you are an individual of taste. Stalk him and follow his exact schedule day-by-day, minute-by-minute, to ensure that you become as close to Heimler as you possibly can. Only then, will you truly master the AP. 

AP Psychology:

An important part of the AP Psychology curriculum is understanding concepts and being able to apply them to situations like those presented in FRQs. You can practice this by applying these concepts to your day-to-day life! Apply cognitive behavioral therapy to identify your illogical anxiety-related thinking patterns and make yourself feel better. Take the Stanford Prison experiment and apply it to your friends—bonus points if you can explain how their slow descent into madness relates to conformity! Cut open someone’s head and identify where the corpus callosum is. Traumatize your peers by looking them straight in the eyes and explaining what Freudian psychosexual stage they’re in. Psychology can really be practiced anywhere, at any time, if you try hard enough!

AP Precalculus:

To all the dearest juniors and to the minority group of sophomores who are taking this class: if you didn’t already know, this is a new AP, so you guys are guinea pigs! Woohoo! We know the sophomores are already used to being guinea pigs—your collective lack of height tells us that there obviously has been some testing done on all of you—but to the gargantuan juniors who have never been tested on in their lives, being a guinea pig means that YOU are the standard for once in your life. YOU set the curve for what a passing grade is. You don’t need to bother studying for this AP! Who knows, perhaps you can even ease the pain of future generations and get some questions wrong on purpose. In fact, you SHOULD do this! Play with the College Board, the system that has shackled you for four grueling years, with endless MCQs, FRQs, LEQs, DBQs, and $98s.

AP Computer Science A:

Yet another AP you mustn’t worry about. Years ago, there used to be a version of this test called AP Computer Science AB. This test was discontinued due to the high failure rate. Rumor has it that if enough students do badly on this AP, it will be further reduced to simply AP Computer Science, with no letters added. Eventually, if students continue to do badly, perhaps they’ll continue to subtract even more letters, and we'll get to AP Comp! How exciting, but it would be a pity to continuously be confused with whether you have AP Comp(arative Government) homework or AP Comp(uter Science) homework, so fail at your own discretion.

AP English Language and Composition:

This AP has two components: language and composition. First, you must learn the language. Know the keywords that trigger excitement in your AP readers: Thoreau, Whitman, epistemology, identity, American dream, juxtaposition, rhetoric, syntax, and symbolism. Memorizing these words is the first step for you to do well. Next, you must compose. Compose that beautiful language into sentences, ideas, and thoughts with such poetic structure and fluency that even the most stubborn of hearts cry. For instance, with the words above: “Thoreau’s epistemology identifies with Whitman’s American dream, symbolizing the juxtaposition of rhetoric and syntax.” How beautiful was that! A tear is rolling down my face right now. 

AP Chemistry: 

This exam is only passable with the mercy of divine intervention. Have more faith in a higher being to save you.

And that, my friends, is how you can do well this AP season. The Spectator wishes you the best of luck on your exams—you’re going to need it.