Kermit’s Downfall

Kermit the Frog may be one of the most unproblematic celebrities of all time. Beloved by all, he is known for his kindhearted nature, banjo skills, and, of course, his relationship with his co-star Miss Piggy. That is, before it was officially announced on Saturday Night Live’s “Weekend Update” that the iconic duo had broken up. The news sparked outrage and confusion across the country. One anonymous citizen remarked, “This is the worst thing to happen to America since the Shrek 4D ride in Universal closed. Kermit and Miss Piggy were many people’s only reference for what a semi-functioning couple is supposed to look like, and now that they’re gone, I truly fear for the future of humanity.”

While the cause of the breakup is still unclear, there is speculation that Kermit may have been caught cheating on Piggy with Gonzo. Nonetheless, our froggy friend has not been handling the situation well. Following his breakup, Kermit began making questionable posts on Twitter, including the following:

“My ex is a lying skank and attention hog and none of you should believe a word she says—Gonzo and I have a very professional relationship.”

“Starting to think that we’ll never find the rainbow connection.”

“I wish I had what Bert and Ernie have :/”

“@Kanye West down for a collab??”

“I’m just saying that I think Gonzo has a really nice… nose.”

Kermit’s account got taken down after he tagged Miss Piggy in a photo of him eating bacon, and he hasn’t spoken to the public since. Furthermore, he failed to show up for his performance at an orphanage, canceling at the last minute because he “needed to finish season six of ‘Dance Moms.’” The orphans instead had to watch a dress rehearsal of “Mamma Mia” at their local community theater.

The following day, Kermit was spotted at Walmart shoving packages of Scooby Doo fruit snacks into his jacket. When the store clerk told him to stop, he squirted them in the face with a water gun before screaming “Love isn’t real!” and jumping out the window. The event was recorded and posted in a YouTube video titled “kermit the frog has a mental breakdown” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_SvFP8Hed0).

Due to his recent controversy, Kermit was cut from several of his upcoming projects, including “The Muppets Go Bankrupt,” “Dancing With the Stars,” “Fast and Furious X,” “The Late Late Show With James Corden,” and Disney’s live-action remake of “The Princess and the Frog.” Kanye also denied his request for a collaboration.

Miss Piggy, who is currently on a retreat to Switzerland for a “journey of self-discovery,” shared her input on her ex-boyfriend’s mental breakdown. “I understand how difficult it must be to get over me,” she said, “but that frog needs to get a grip. Honestly, I never would have dated him if I knew he was so unstable. And me? I’ve been doing just wonderful—I haven’t thought about Kermit once since we broke up.” The interview ended there as Miss Piggy proceeded to burst into tears.

It’s been truly heartbreaking to watch such a beloved figure go downhill. Kermit the Frog, once a wholesome entertainer who brought joy to everyone, can now be found on Buzzfeed’s “Top 10 Celebrity Meltdowns” list. While we have no way of knowing what will happen to the little frog next, all we can do is hope things work out between him and Gonzo.