Leggo with Legos

It’s that time of year again, you know. Christmas? Nope, Halloween! Going door to door to beg for candy is the only redeeming quality of going back to school, just like how going from pleb to pleb to berate them is the only redeeming quality of dropping a few hundred grand on a pair of gold-plated AirPods. Unfortunately, just like with AirPods, everyone, including your own family, who can’t obtain candy wants to steal it. Why do you think your parents keep telling you that your candy corn contains razor blades (how would they even fit)? Anyhow, here’s how to protect your stash this Halloween!

Ingredients:

- A big, black witch’s cauldron
- 1 cup of glucose syrup
- 10 ml of freshman tears
- 1 tablespoon of red food coloring
- 3 cups of water from the school’s fountains
- 2 cups of sugar (bonus points if it’s made by Adam Levine)
- My marbles. I lost my marbles when I got my first marking period grades back.
- Some LEGO brick molds

Steps:

1. Mix two cups of sugar, three cups of water, and one tablespoon of red food coloring in a BBC (short for big black cauldron, but a TV would work just as well).
2. Boil the mixture until it gets as red and angry as your parents when you leave the toilet seat up. Don’t jump [in].
3. Pour the glucose syrup and freshman tears in. You can use whatever you want to stir your concoction, but I suggest your physics lab book. What? It’s not like your AP Physics I teacher will even check it.
4. Accidentally lose my marbles in the pot just like how you… er… your friend accidentally lost your S’well bottle in the cafeteria.
5. Take the cauldron off the heat and allow it to cool until it’s no longer boiling.
6. Pour the liquid into the LEGO brick molds, and put them in the fridge. You can take them out when Bill de Blasio grants us a snow day (meaning never, haha).
7. In the days following Halloween, make a trail of candy LEGO bricks from the pantry to your parents’ room. Make sure no one knows it’s you, or else you’ll learn that you’re adopted.
8. Keep your eyes and ears open for when your parents try to sneak their way to your secret candy stash, barefoot.

We here at The Spectator wish you luck with protecting your Halloween haul. The Spectator cannot be held liable for injured feet, groundings, failed physics labs, lost marbles, or emotional trauma incurred as a result of your parents screaming, “You’re adopted!”