No, Mother, Parent Teacher Conferences Don’t Matter

GU: Hey Victor! Thanks for a great article! Here are my notes

* the article can get very wordy and filled w fluff, please work on condensing it! That means the message should stay the same but it shouldn’t take you as long to say it. I’ve pointed out where I think this needs to be addressed in the article

* Some of the statements you make don’t make a lot of sense, and they also tend to be very general. Make sure you are being very specific, because vague statements are rarely funny

* Your ending was fantastic!

Looking forward to draft 2, thank you for your hard work!

BW: Hello! Funny stuff—see my inline comments.

Ever since grade school, my mother has always put Parent Teacher Conferences above her life. Usually involving me getting verbally assaulted afterward, she thinks that it’s a very good use of her time.

Contrary to many parents’ beliefs, PTCs are not as useful as they think.

No, I’m not just saying this because me mum screamed at me for having only one passing subject on my report card as a junior. I’m most certainly not writing this article because the only positive remark I received was from Physical Education and boxing teacher Howard Barbin, who said, “Has square dancing potential.”

The truth is PTCs are obsolete and a waste of time, like every minute I spend trying to get the guts to ask my crush out.

First of all, unless you’re one of the masochists on the robotics team, you’re gonna hate staying at Stuyvesant until 8:30 p.m. You can’t even kill time at clubs because of rapid dismissal, so what are we supposed to do for five hours? Hang out with some BMCC kids?

Sure, afternoon sessions are a thing as well, but how many parents actually go to those? Some parents do, but considering that most parents have jobs, the idea of an afternoon session is pointless. You might as well call it “white mom session.”

Secondly, teachers don’t give actual feedback during PTCs. Believe it or not, most teachers are actual humans too, and they also don’t want to stay at school for an extra three hours to talk to parents. All they want to do is get on the train, go home, take a shower, and then dream of more ways to butcher their students’ grades. With this in mind, teachers will either give a generic compliment or roast a student out of sudden frustration. Though parents may start a fight with the teacher who insulted their precious baby, such actions are rare and the parent will usually take all comments to heart.

Thirdly, the lines frickin’ suck. I don’t know about you, but my idea of fun sure as hell isn’t waiting in line with a bunch of people of all ages. People are just crammed in a hallway with very few seats, making everyone sweaty, and moving around the school is practically impossible. Sure, one can argue it produces more exercise than a physical education class, but is it really worth the hassle?

Fourthly, midgets will apparently exist at Stuyvesant. That’s right, not only do parents show up, little kids do too because they’re too young to stay at home alone. Confusing everyone as to what proto-freshmen are doing in the school, these kids are able to cause plenty of mayhem around the building by ruining clubs’ bake sales, washing their hands in a urinal, or just screeching in Moran’s office. Now that it is evident that PTCs are a problem, how do we fix this?

It’s simple, really: just stop doing PTCs.

Although boycotting can work, that takes a terrible amount of time to do. By the time the boycott is successful, we will all have graduated. No one attending right now will remember what Stuyvesant is, which is why we should act now.

Y’all could help by signing this Change.org petition here: https://www.change.org/p/new-york-city-public-schools-ban-parent-teacher-conferences?recruiter=730921229&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink&utm_campaign=share_petition (Yes, that’s an actual link).

Thank you and have a blessed day.