Oh, Brother; Tales of Siblings Together at Stuy

Upon entering Stuyvesant, every freshman is assigned a Big Sib to look up to, ask for advice, and wave to in the halls. However, a select number of freshmen begin Stuy with an additional resource: their actual older sibling who attends or has attended Stuy. These Stuy siblings are granted an additional pair of eyes and ears at the school—someone to gossip with about teachers, get old notes from, and be a reminder to not wake up early on PSAT day. However, they may also complicate or worsen each other’s high school experience.

Sophomore Penelope Merchant and senior Aeneas Merchant found that their experiences were most impacted by each other during Penelope’s high school admission process. Penelope and Aeneas have attended the same elementary school, middle school, and now high school. Their overlapping academic experiences influenced Penelope’s decision when choosing between Stuyvesant and Frank Sinatra High School. “In general, the most impact [Aeneas] has had on me in being at Stuy is during the application process,” Penelope detailed. “Since he was already at Stuy and knew the ins and outs, it was a lot easier to estimate how I would be there and what I would do.” Penelope expresses that her brother’s knowledge of Stuy made her more confident in choosing it.

However, Aeneas remembers the situation differently. He related, “My mom preferred Stuy over my sibling’s other options [but] I originally was not a huge fan of having my sibling in the same high school.” Aeneas explained that his preference for his sister not going to Stuy was in fact unrelated to the fact that he was also there. He explained, “She was choosing between different schools she got into, but she was never super huge on Stuy, like it was mainly my mom [who] wanted her to have it as an option. I thought, considering how stressful Stuy can be, Penelope should only go if she really wanted to.” While having a sibling at Stuy can make the choice feel more familiar and enticing, their honest negative impressions can also be a deterrent. 

Penelope and Aeneas agree that attending the same school has fostered more humorous than burdensome situations. “Usually the interactions with teachers were pretty funny after they realized that we were related,” Penelope recalled. “Their reaction would be along the lines of, ‘Is Aeneas your brother?’ and then either, ‘Oh that’s great, I had him in my class two years ago,’ or ‘I’m so sorry.’” Penelope has found that she can use her brother as an amusing topic to bond with her teachers.

 Regardless of what the siblings say about each other, they maintain an unbothered relationship. Aeneas remarked, “I do not think we embarrass each other that much, but if anyone is embarrassed, it’s her.”

Though sophomore Emma Ching and her older sister Isabel Ching (‘22) never attended Stuy at the same time, having an older sibling has helped Emma navigate her Stuy experience. Emma reported, “Whenever I need any help related to Stuy, whether it’s academic or social, I just text my sister and she’ll respond with paragraphs on how to help.”

Isabel added, “I wanted [Emma] to have a better high school experience than I did! Whether that meant telling her about my mistakes so she could learn from them or guiding her through the adjustment process, I wanted high school to be the best time for her.”

Despite Isabel’s efforts to ease her sister’s high school experience, Emma feels that there is pressure automatically placed on her because of her older sister. However, these expectations are not enforced by Emma’s parents. Instead, Emma explained, “If anything, I feel the most pressure from myself to meet these standards because I don’t want to feel like a ‘disappointment.’” The competition that is common among siblings penetrates the high school environment and especially impacts younger siblings. Feeling an inherent comparison with their sibling’s performance, they often feel pressured to outperform their older siblings, even if these expectations were never explicitly set by their parents or peers.

Isabel acknowledges that she may have unintentionally complicated Emma’s academic standards. She expanded, “I think it’s very difficult not to compare a younger sibling to their older counterpart, especially at the same high school, and so there is an inherent standard of performance and experience.”

Junior Anna Zhao and Sophomore Henry Zhao also noticed how helpful it can be to have support in the school. Henry recounted, “Anna always mentor[s] me when I need help with stuff.” Anna explained her assistance, stating, “I want him to succeed just as much as I want myself to, so I try to guide him as much as possible.” Older siblings shoulder a responsibility not only for their own success but also for their sibling’s academic well-being. For Anna and Henry, their sibling relationship has become a sort of mentorship.

However, the Zhaos agree that they do not experience much comparison between themselves. Henry continued, “We are both interested in different things—I like programming and math and she likes English and social studies, so I naturally find different stuff interesting.” Their diverging interests naturally set different standards for each student. With less common classes and extracurricular activities, there is less room for comparison.

Though many older siblings at Stuy act as mentors, the dynamic they share with their younger counterparts doesn’t necessarily change. Senior Henry Mattoni tries not to influence his freshman brother Leo Mattoni too heavily. “I don't talk to him as much as I would a regular friend. I want him to make his own friends and choices. For example, I'm trying to help him find clubs he's interested in. He's interested in computer science, so I'm trying to encourage him to pursue that a bit more, especially because I know people that are [really good at CS],” Henry said.

In the end, many siblings at Stuy simply coexist most of the time, interacting only occasionally. Senior David Chen only sees his freshman brother Caden Chen once a day in the stairwell. “[Caden] really is an independent thinker. [My time at Stuy] is just marginally enhanced by those moments we share,” David said. “He has Ms. Fletcher for Freshman Composition. Every now and then I would be waffling about after [AP Literature] Great Books, and she would come up to me, saying, ‘Oh, did you know Caden did this?’”

Having a sibling won’t ultimately determine a student’s high school experience. What it gives is an extra friend to come back to and an extra mentor to give you personalized tips about Stuy. “It's kind of like having like a one-on-one Big Sib,” Henry said.