Peppa Pig: Beloved Children’s Cartoon or Signal of Ragnarök?

I remember my first time watching Peppa Pig like it was yesterday. Seeing that it was 5:00 p.m., I was initially heartbroken to see that some random pigs had replaced my beloved Cyberchase on PBS. Unfortunately, my family was too poor to afford a television plan, so no other channels were available. Turning off the TV certainly wasn’t an option, as that would mean I’d actually have to be responsible. My parents had been nagging me about doing homework, burying my dead pet goldfish, or whatever. Absolutely repulsive. Thus, I was forced to watch them British 2D pigs.

In just minutes, my initial, eternal hatred for this television show turned into sweet, adoring love. Peppa Pig had everything I needed in a show: English accents, crappy drawing style, and characters who could be turned into bacon! I ended up binging that show for hours and only stopped when my mom threatened to beat me with a slipper if I didn’t stop intensely tracking a herd of pigs’ (and other assorted beasts’) conversations.

As I have grown older and gained more depressing responsibilities, I have watched Peppa Pig grow into some sort of cultural sensation. From memes to rip-off Gucci Chinese fashion, it’s evident that Peppa Pig has made quite a name for itself. Seeing this wave of popularity, I decided to revisit the show for old time’s sake and to start off this decade with youthful innocence.

As I rewatched these episodes, however, none of the childhood nostalgia came back to me. Instead of feeling nostalgic joy, I sensed some sort of immense danger coming at my horizon. It couldn’t be the UChicago decision date—I had already gotten rejected. And it most certainly couldn’t be that weird-ass crocodile soup my parents claimed was good for me.

No, this danger felt absolutely unreal. It was as if half the world suddenly found a TikTok some freshie forced me to make and then proceeded to laugh at my fatal blunder. Intrigued and tired of working on my fifth draft of Common App based off of some generic, over-dramatized music practice scene, I rewatched various episodes again, spending hours on each frame just to find a clue as to what was going on. Solving this mystery was a top priority of mine, and no 11:59 p.m. deadline would hold me back.

As I watched more, I noticed a picture of Peppa and her family eating food. Their voracious appetites and a plethora of food made it appear like a normal family meal.

That prediction couldn’t have been further from the truth.

There is no denying it: Peppa Pig actually signals the beginning of Ragnarök, the end of the world in Norse mythology, involving an epic battle between gods, legendary beasts, and supernatural disasters. I knew immediately that nothing good could come out of whatever the hell the show was warning us about.

To start off, the evidence of the freeing of Jörmungandr, a huge-ass Midgard serpent who happens to be Thor’s greatest enemy, is undeniable. The very first 10 seconds of the series depict a rainy day, which makes Peppa’s family sad because it looks sloppier than the toilet after one eats a crap ton of Taco Bell. Is this NOT similar to how Jörmungandr will spray poison during Ragnarök? Like poison, no one likes rain: it’s filthy, acidic, and disruptive of multibillion-dollar industries such as the bottled water dudes. And no one likes poison because people die from it. And traditionally speaking, that kinda sucks. To top it all off, when Peppa and George go out to play in the muddy puddle, it is a disturbing representation of how civilizations everywhere will react. As the pigs laugh, we scream; as the pigs jump and play in the mud, we drown and erode from the foul essence. You’ve read that right: Peppa Pig has been warning all of us since its premiere, and we’ve been too blind to realize it.

Additionally, there is substantial evidence of the release of Fenris, Jörmungandr’s wolf brother…thing. Norse mythology doesn’t care about any anatomical legitimacy. When George makes a campfire in that one camping episode, he is burning parts of the Earth. Well, guess what? When released from his chain, Fenris is supposed to burn half the world down! As the pigs frolic in their warmth, Smokey the Bear will be getting heart attacks left, right, and center until he is no more. Coincidence? I think NOT.

Finally, Peppa Pig only has nine legitimate friends. Sure, there is an abundance of characters—including her family members—but in reality, how many of them actually care about Peppa? Just nine: Molly Mole, Mandy Mouse, Candy Cat, Danny Dog, Emily Elephant, Freddie Fox, Gerald Giraffe, Pedro Pony, and Rebecca Rabbit. Notice how all of these characters are not part of her family? Peppa’s family is filled with deception. From their physical heights to marital trickery (I’m looking at you, Daddy Pig!), there are no limits as to how ruthless Peppa’s ancestry actually is. Simply put, Peppa’s family actually doesn’t care about her. Like, let’s be real: if Thor and Loki actually got along, there would be no need for this mess. Unfortunately, Loki is very deceptive and thus plunged the realm of Norse mythology to a confusing web of family troubles, much like Peppa’s. Nine legitimate friends also represent the number of gods remaining after Ragnarök is over, making Peppa Pig perhaps the most brutal children’s cartoon to debut on television.

Neville Astley and Mark Baker are the two most woke people on the face of this mothaflippin’ planet. By creating Peppa Pig, they are able to convey a complicated world-ending prophecy; though without a solid grasp of Viking knowledge and Amon Amarth lyrics, the messages will go way over a viewer’s head. However, TRUE fans understand each and every word that is being conveyed; they realize that it’s not mere fun and games but a matter of LIFE and DEATH. Mortals who dislike Peppa Pig are scum of the lowest level and must be EXPUNGED—they would never get the reference behind Peppa’s iconic “oink,” which clearly depicts the sound Thor will make when he dies. Sadly for me, I am the only one who knows of such secrets and am thus deeply ashamed of my race’s existence. Clearly, it’s too late. The end is coming soon.