Please Pet Me

This past month has been really weird.

Look, I’m a dog. Here’s how my day usually went until life became weird: first, I woke up at 7:00 a.m. sharp in order to get those coveted walks in the park with my human. Then, I ate something on the ground, and I guess my human wanted that thing on the ground because she grabbed my mouth and took the thing out. Then came the best part of my day! There were a lot of people on the street who would smile and wave at me and sometimes even pet me! I love being petted. Then, my human left me behind in the apartment, and I got bored and sad, but then she came back, and I went for another walk and ate more floor things and got petted more!

Last month, everything got weird. My human stopped leaving every day, which is great because now I get to sleep in her bed with her and play with her all day. One thing that annoys me, though, is that they are on that glowing rectangle thing with those buttons that they need to press to make stuff happen on the screen a lot. They’re always talking to people on it, and every once in a while, they’ll pick me up and show me off to the other people they’re talking to. They also make a lot of bread now, and honestly, I don’t mind. They give me the bread that they have left over, and I dig in as fast as I can. They’re getting better at baking, not gonna lie. They wear the same clothes every day without changing as well, and I’m here like, what's the point? I don’t wear clothes, and I’m perfectly fine. Do you need clothes to survive? But don’t get me wrong; I’m happy that they’re always home.

The problem is the walks.

So much has changed! For one, my human puts some sort of mask on before they walk me. They tried putting a mask on me, but it felt weird, so I refused to put it on. Eventually, they gave up. Every time we come back up to the apartment, they force me to put my paws under the water with some soap before they do the same. What’s up with that? The soap doesn’t even taste good! There’s no more weird food on the ground, but for some reason, the squirrels are still here. And the worst part is that there are no more people to pet me!

Darn it, there are usually so many people on the streets who ask to pet me while I internally go “PET ME. PET ME. PET ME,” and jump up on them. But now, there are no more people on the street, and the few that I get to see also wear those weird masks and always stay so far away from me and my human. Every time I try to say “hi” to them, my human pulls me back and says something about “social distancing.”

It’s been a month since I’ve been petted by a new person. It’s like all of them are afraid of going near me! I’m not mean! I just want to be petted! Please pet me! I’m not going to bite. Pet me, please.