Prank Suggestions From Humor Members!

Eshaal Ubaid: Call From Mom

Call your best friends from an anonymous caller ID and claim that you’re their parents. That way, you can trick them into thinking that their mom actually loves them. One hit K.O.

Ethan Lam: Don’t Do This

I just want to preface this with the disclaimer that you should NOT do the following:

DO NOT buy a large French baguette at Terry’s for $5.32.

DO NOT go down to Battery Park near the river and use the baguette to attract a large flock of seagulls.

DO NOT exercise caution to keep the baguette out of their range. They WILL attempt to take it from you by force. Greedy little bastards.

DO NOT tear pieces off the baguette to make a trail and lure the birds to the first floor entrance.

DO NOT toss the baguette into the school while being careful that the security guards can’t see your face.

DO NOT hold the door open as the swarm of sky rats flood into the school.

DO NOT make your escape via the Chambers Street Station.

I want to re-emphasize that under NO circumstances are you allowed to perform the actions listed above on June 28, 2022, 3:15 p.m. EST, even if it would be kinda funny.

Vincent D'Angelo: Fly

You prank your friend epically by throwing them out of a plane 25,000 feet in the air, but don’t worry, because you made sure that they put on a backpack with a parachute right before they jumped. But wait—that one guy on Omegle said that your original prank was boring, so you upped the amp by giving them a dummy parachute instead of a real one. LOL!

Christian Kim: The Early Bird

Having a class earlier in the day isn’t that bad when you consider how much power you have over the students who have the same class later in the day. After you have a test and people from later periods ask you how it was, exaggerate the difficulty as if it wasn’t that bad and lie about how easy it was even if it was actually super hard. EZ mind games—and the best part is that you can do this all year and people will still fall for it.

Muhib Muhib: Nonsense

Begin April Fools’ Day by turning whatever you say (verbally or nonverbally) into nonsense by omitting vowels and letters, decapitalizing, overusing abbreviations (even in speech), removing words, swapping letters out, and overusing slang. For example, “Shut up Spectator Opinions Slack” becomes “shot op spectr ops slak.” And “welcome to your life” becomes “welcum to ur lif.” You will not stop with your nonsense until someone says the magic word “bqhatevwr.”

Alexander Chu: Cleaning Up the Trash

Prank the youth by releasing rats that you caught from the train stations. There’s the rats in the walls. Summon them. Release them. They yearn to be free and to breathe in the suffering of students failing another Algebra 2 test. If the Sophomore Bar has exactly 125 moldy pieces of Kraft American Cheese on the floor, the Big Rat will be summoned and appear to solve all your problems. Come under his greasy tail and let his damp, mysteriously scented musk comfort you from all your mortal problems.

Abigail Jin: Mind Tricks

Wave enthusiastically to a stranger in the hallway and say "Good to see you again!" You'll leave them doubting themselves and wondering who you are for a while…

Sara Heller: Something’s Fishy

Step 1: Get a massive pot of fish sauce.

Step 2: Steal a friend’s or family member’s phone and wrap it in plastic.

Step 3: Throw the phone into the sauce.

Step 4: Hide all the spoons.

Step 5: Call the phone.

Step 6: Watch as your unfortunate victim wriggles through the gigantic pot of fish sauce in an attempt to find it.

Bonus: If they manage to “save” their phone, it’ll smell for weeks—and they will too!

Michelle Huang: History Repeats Itself

Go to your middle school and meet with your old teachers. Offer to tell the kids some helpful alumni advice, and then gush about how awesome high school is and that the best decision of your life was choosing Stuyvesant. Romanticize Stuy and tell them they’ll have so much fun, but don’t give any details. Allured by your mysterious, somewhat sensual promises, these children will spend all of eighth grade trying to get in. When they do eventually get accepted, laugh as the children’s souls are crushed and they realize that everything you told them was a lie; the only sensual thing here at Stuy is the Hudson staircase. Do this with every new bunch of eighth graders. They’ll never stop believing you!

Ryan Peng: Switcheroo!

Remember the horrors of seemingly nonsensical program switches back in February? Hehe…

This prank is relatively simple: hack into Talos with the knowledge you gained from Intro to Comp Sci, and press the big red button that says “Make students’ lives miserable again!” From there, you will see a slider asking how much more misery they need. CRANK IT ALL THE WAY TO THE MAX, AND WATCH THE SCHEDULES BURN DOWN! Freshmen getting AP Calculus BC? Seniors getting Art Appreciation? Sophomores getting AP Swim Gym? Anything is possible now!

Caroline Pickering: Faking Your Death and Fleeing to the Italian Countryside

Do you want a prank that will have your family and friends in absolute tears (from laughter)? Then try faking your death today! Stage an assassination, make an elaborate replica of your corpse to be found floating in the Hudson River, or be sentenced to execution for your many war crimes in former Yugoslavia—the possibilities are endless! Once you have successfully faked your death, you can go live the life you always wanted with no strings attached!

If I ever disappear under mysterious circumstances, I did not flee to the Italian countryside. There is absolutely no way that I am currently sitting in a cafe outside of Venice sipping an espresso and purchasing a remote, coastal cottage from a man named Luigi using money from a Swiss bank account. That would be ridiculous.

Jai Shah: Traumatizing Prospective Students

Do you want to make a whiny, annoying eighth grader suffer? If so, this prank is perfect for you! All you need are some unassuming middle school brats. Bring them to Stuyvesant and give them the Stuyvesant schedule. Laugh as they fail to find any of their classes, walk into the wrong room, and get yelled at by a teacher. Give them swim gym, then give them Art Appreciation and watch as they try to run up 10 floors without dying. Let them take a test in an AP course, only to realize that they never learned the material and fail the class. Then, send them home with “30 minutes” of homework for each class. Overall, a perfect way to break the spirits and dreams of these kids as you sit back and enjoy the show.

Krista Proteasa: Shift Dimensions Spontaneously During Class

Unfortunately, class can get a bit monotonous at times, but what if it didn’t have to? If you thought that your teachers were pranking you with work, the real prank here is on your teachers because they never liked you in their classes anyway. So, to ease everyone's suffering, why not suddenly morph into a two-dimensional glob on the ground for a minute, just like you were meant to be? I call that a master prankster move. They can't give you any more work and you physically can't respond to their endless demands. You get double the prank when you realize that the third dimension of your existence is responsible for most of your problems. Haha! That’ll get ‘em real good.

Aniket Roy: A Game of Chickens

Release three chickens into the school and let them run wild. Number the chickens “One,” “Two,” and “Four.” When the school administration finds out about the chickens and goes on a wild goose chase trying to catch them, they’ll spend a lot of time trying to find the chicken numbered “Three,” even though such a chicken doesn’t exist. Is this evil? Yes. Is there a high possibility of getting expelled? Yes, but it’s all worth it.

Finn Charest: The Mental Breakdown

Go to your guidance counselor’s office and fake a mental breakdown in order to skip class. It’ll be so funny, especially when you realize that the tears are real and that they won’t stop.

Alex Zheng: (School Will) Never Give You Up

No one likes the monotonous beep of the normal school bells, so change them into the 1980s hit single “Never Gonna Give you Up!” There’s nothing more enjoyable than a schoolwide rickroll and everyone malding over it in their classes. What’s even better is that there’s multiple bells for each class period, so everyone gets the full Rick Astley experience.

Anjali Karunadasa: Meta Prank

Forget that you were supposed to submit a prank for The Disrespectator (the horror).

While playing Duck Life in the middle of Social Studies, suddenly remember that you were supposed to submit a prank for The Disrespectator.

Sneakily switch to the article document and submit a meta prank.

Don’t forget to change everything to Comic Sans with 13 pt font and drop a rickroll link before leaving.

https://youtu.be/xvFZjo5PgG0

**Disclaimer: we are not responsible for any deaths, injuries, or chaos that may ensue.