Proms Ruined Thanks To Stuy

As we all know, Stuyvesant High School is a particularly boring place, with people inhaling flash drives and hogging urinals at the expense of full-bladdered individuals. In May and June, however, Stuy is a completely different place thanks to prom.

Prom season is a time where everyone, namely the select popular individuals, can pull off all sorts of shenanigans for their own satisfaction. For example, the real MVPs manage to get their crushes admission to their dream schools in hopes that they will go to prom with them. The list of activities goes on and on.

This year, however, is different. Unlike previous years of all-out mayhem that included fighting for Mrs Damesek’s affection and people getting mad hype, the school seemed to be even more dead than usual. Not a single promposal has been made this season, leaving the school doctor with no cases of mono to deal with.

In an attempt to bring back the prom spirit Stuyvesant High School once had, junior Ryan Wu and senior Nishchay Bajaj spent countless minutes trying to plot something. After some debate, they finally settled on a plan that would ruin the proms of many other schools.

Though their initial legion of 10 supporters was strong enough, they managed to gain even more support. With oddly effective methods of persuasion such as showing a slideshow of everyone’s GPA in the theater, Wu and Bajaj managed to stun the entire school into joining their movement.

“It’s really incredible, you know?” Bajaj remarked. “When Ryan and I first made this campaign, we kinda planned to have only two or three awkward seniors and juniors involved. But somehow, we got more people to join our cause, and it’s evident that the entire Stuyvesant community has one common goal.”

“Obviously if we’re gonna go to EVERY school in the city, we’d never accomplish our task,” Wu said. “In lieu of that, we’re just gonna pop up at the proms of other specialized high schools. That way, we can really show our dominance, and we might even teach our freshmen a thing or two about being a Stuy kid.”

Sometime in mid-June, thousands of Stuyvesant students marched into train stations near Chambers Street, headed straight to the proms that were happening in other boroughs.

As the students of the other schools happily enjoyed their proms, the seven Stuy saboteur groups stormed into each prom. Armed with posters of their high school acceptance letter, the Stuyvesant students went completely berserk. The place that these proms happened at ended up being completely trashed by having Stuyvesant’s many SHSAT cutoff scores graffitied across the entire place.

In addition to this, the room was filled with Stuy kids wearing golden gauntlets with colorful stones engraved that made half of the other school’s kids have a mental breakdown. Snapping their fingers to activate this power, groans of “I don’t feel so good” from the non-Stuy kids engulfed the room. The non-Stuy kids also started to have symptoms such as mental breakdowns, coupled with the anxiety that a normal Stuy kid experiences every day. It was also reported that some disintegrated at the sound of these snaps.

Seeing a haven turned into a barren wasteland before their eyes, the survivors were forced to evacuate the scene. Once they had made it somewhere safe, the survivors started to weep; it didn’t matter what college they’re going to, or what they accomplished in four years. All that mattered was that the pain of rejection from four years ago had come back to haunt them.

With the other proms being ruined, each prom saboteur group roared in cheers. Everyone involved actually felt happy, an emotion that many had not experienced since graduating middle school.

“Before participating in this, I was just a boring, normal guy,” freshman Jonathan Xu commented. “But after what happened at these proms, I feel enlightened. Now, I am going to look forward to the next three years of my life.”

Now that everyone’s spirits were actually up, the juniors and seniors started getting excited for their respective proms. People were macking on their crushes, and students were doing regular prom season activities at Stuyvesant High School. As for Bajaj and Wu, they were immediately forgotten after prom ended.