Senior Helplessly In Love With Freshman, But No One Is Shocked

Normally, a senior being in love with a freshman is a hypothetical situation; pure fantasy. When the topic is brought up, it’s usually joked about and regarded as some sort of social taboo. But in the year 2018, if anyone tried to crack a joke about how senior Iam Smitten “was trying to bag freshie Serah Bellum, ha ha,” she’d look at you with a starry-eyed yet serious expression, and respond,

“So what? I love her. (I still do.)”

It all began when Smitten ran into Bellum’s homeroom several minutes late.

“A Big Sigh for our Big Sib,” Bellum had said, shaking her head. Such wit entrapped Smitten. And like a jolt of lightning, an electric, passionate fire struck her by surprise. She had committed an ultimate sin: she had fallen head-over-heels for a freshman.

Thank the spirit of Peter Stuyvesant himself that her emotions were not strong enough yet to be perceived by those around her—well, apart from her close friend.

“Wow, this is so humiliating. Sophomores get enough teasing for being ‘freshman hunters,’ and they’re two years your junior,” her close friend, Nat Perceptive, had said, glaring at her in disapproval.

“With a name like hers, she’s bound to have one hell of a mind.”

“With a name like hers, she’s going to give you a lack of coordination.”

“Too late. I’m already weak around her. My heart is a symphony. My legs are gelatin.”

Perceptive shook her head, knowing that any advice she’d give Smitten would be futile. The Infatuation was already turning into Puppy Love. All she could do was cringe and slap reminders of college applications on her friend to remind her of mandatory priorities.

Bellum didn’t quite reciprocate Smitten’s feelings, but she didn’t find them to be an inconvenience. At the end of the first semester, she invited Smitten to accompany her to the Met “for a date.” Really, she just needed a partner who would help her take adequate photos for her art appreciation final project. She relished the power of having an upperclassman wrapped around her finger.

“You’re in AP Art Appreciation? Wow,” she cooed. “You’re a top dog.”

Some of Bellum’s classmates (who were paparazzi taking photos of the illicit couple) rolled their eyes. “‘Top dog’? More like a freshman’s b***h.” And with a portfolio of Polaroids of the two posing wantonly amongst the artworks, these freshmen marched to the Big Sib Board, threatening to “expose corruption worse than any cheating scandal.”

The entire Big Sib Board broke into tears. For a moment the freshmen thought that the Board would give in to their demands, but one student stood up and exclaimed,

“Are you trying to make fun of the fact that we all only know how to make out with our study guides and make love to our textbooks despite having been here for four years?”

A second rose to speak.

“I have a confession. When I was a freshman, I dated my Big Sib.”

Everyone gasped. The Chairs fainted. The freshmen caught them in their arms and considered seizing their former demands in order to pursue a conquest of a different kind.

When the second semester started, Smitten sought the advice of her guidance counselor.

“Let me guess,” they said, giving her a smug expression. “Is this about you having that terrible crush on a freshman?”

“How did you—”

“Everyone knows. We’ve been paying hush money to the New York Post so that they won’t write ANOTHER article trying to shame Stuyvesant.”

Temporarily after that, Smitten attempted to stay away from Bellum. But can a fly truly shy away from honey for all eternity? Absolutely not. Hence, she made a wild promposal to Bellum. She bribed the Robotics team into creating a boat on wheels in which she stood upon as it rolled to Bellum, her hands outstretched as she serenaded,

“We’re technically not canon, but I will go down with our ship, even if everyone else tries to tear it down with cannons. Will you sail with me at Prom?”

And wildly enough, Bellum accepted.