Sib Tips: Four Ways to Survive Freshmen

Being a Big Sib can be a tremendous responsibility—you hold the futures of a whole class of Little Sibs in your hands. This added stress on top of your already debilitating workload can make you go mad. I’m not saying that’s happened to me. I’m fine. Just fine. Fortunately, to help you cope, I’ve made a list of ways to diffuse that stress surrounding your new responsibility and even turn it into a stress reliever. If you’re not a Big Sib, come along for the ride, as I’m sure you’ll find new ways to encourage the freshmen you see in the hallways.

Smile Even Though Your Heart is Breaking:

I’m sure that you’re doing this already, as I’ve already seen nearly every Big Sib practicing this strategy: pretend that Stuy hasn’t deteriorated your will to live. All these idealistic freshmen come into this building ready to learn and to have a great time. They think that they’re going to be at the top of their class and take cool, unique electives. Sadly, you know better. You know that soon they’ll be trapped under a pile of AP Bio homework and Global Studies notes. Regardless, it’s your job to make sure that they feel welcome. Just smile through all that pain. No one will ever know.

Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Go Back in the Water:

As we all know, freshmen have to take two swim tests in their freshman year. One on the first floor and one on the 11th. Make sure your Little Sib knows this and knows how to get there from the first floor; take the stairs to the second floor, then the 2-3 escalator, then the 3-5 escalator (wait, that one’s always broken), the stairs from the 3-4, then escalators until you reach the 12th floor, and then take the Pool Staircase to the 11th floor. Watch their faces as you explain this to them. I’m sure they’ll be grateful.

A Person Who Can Write a Long Letter With Ease, Cannot Write Ill:

As a Big Sib, you are required to write letters to your Little Sibs in order to give advice and potentially suggest for them to join clubs. However, this year I have been told that we are supposed to discourage them from joining clubs until their senior year. Sophomore and certified freshman troller Adeline Sauberli has been researching the clubs’ new policies. “Oh, I heard Flow only accepts alumni. Sorry about that!” Adeline said when I asked her about potential clubs for my Little Sibs to join. I suppose because one person told me this information, I should take it as fact. I’ll be sure to tell all my freshmen. No matter the number of sources, always be candid with the information you hear around the school with your Little Sibs. They will thank you for it.

By Jove, Is That You?:

Unfortunately, one of the downsides of wearing masks and the limited interaction you get with your Little Sibs is that it can become difficult to place a face to the name. In fact, some may have trouble remembering their names at all. However, instead of doing the work and memorizing their names, do things the Stuy way: procrastinate and find shortcuts! Next time you see them in the hallway, make up a name for them on the spot. Make sure to use the same name for everyone, so you don’t accidentally call one person by two different made-up names. Now that would be disrespectful. Ones I’ve heard in passing have been “Flargensworth,” “Willikinsikissa,” and “Jeff.” Choose wisely.

I hope that these methods will help you survive your Big Sib journey. I feel obliged to warn you that some of these methods may or may not have extreme fallouts. However, when put against the current traditions of either neglecting or murdering Little Sibs, the benefits of this alternative are clear. I say it’s worth a shot.