Six ways YOU can be ready for the finals

With finals looming right around the corner and test anxiety poisoning everybody’s minds, we thought it would be best to give a little gift to the community. Here are our six best tips for getting ready for finals: 

1.  Ask yourself: Is it worth your time?

Think about it: if you’re studying for the AP Brainrot test despite your true passion lying in the European colonization of the New World, why are you even taking that class in the first place? If this sounds like you, then the answer is simple: don’t study for tests that don’t spark joy. Your two on the AP Brainrot exam will actually show colleges just how determined you are in learning about Christopher Columbus—after all, what better way to show your devotion to AP Euro than to flunk any unrelated subjects? Don’t worry about the misinformation online talking about your GPA actually mattering to universities or something. There are many better things to worry about, like how much you can grind Brawl Stars before your phone heats up and spontaneously implodes in the middle of standardized testing.

2.  Adopt an optimistic mindset

Now, if this final is actually important to you, then you need to think positively. Don’t think, “I’m gonna fail this exam, I didn’t study enough!” Instead, think “I’m going to pass this exam, otherwise my parents are going to send me to A+! If I didn’t study enough, my parents are also gonna send me to A+!” This change in thinking activates your sympathetic nervous system, stimulating adrenaline release and giving you the energy you need to pass this exam with ease. Your heart beats quicker, pumping blood throughout your body to revitalize you. I, in fact, have used this tactic to go from an 80 in Algebra II to an 81—it really works.

3.  Increase your caffeine intake 

Coffee, the worshipped grade/energy booster. This stuff is gold in a cup when it comes to studying. It is the Sun to my heliocentric solar system, the O2 to my lungs, the Harvard to my college acceptances—okay, I’ll stop. It heightens your attention span and sharpens your focus. In fact, it boosts metabolism and increases heart rate, which helps transport nutrients throughout the body. There’s a reason they say: a coffee a day keeps the doctor away! If you keep on drinking it, you will only feel more energized! Or something like that. There’s a reason why I’m failing Health. Anyway, by the law of the transitive property, it is only logical to drink as much coffee as humanly possible to improve your studying. If you’re adverse to the beans of Coffea arabica (because why are we putting plants in our coffee now, you can’t get me to touch grass like that, Big Plant!), Celsius or Monster should work too. The chemicals, like Red 40 and Dihydrogen Monoxide, cancel out and result in similar effects. 

4.  Brazilian Phonk

Violently banging your head to the heavy bass and drums of Brazilian Phonk music while being 12 coffees deep at 2:00 a.m. really works wonders. I have personally experienced the Blue Lock “flow” state while using this method, increasing my productivity due to the increase in blood flow. Side effects include severe headaches, mild concussions, intense vertigo, profuse sweating, hallucinations of school deans, and being knocked unconscious.

5.  Be aware of the test date

Remember that in order to retain as much information as possible, you must study the night BEFORE the test (the morning of is even better). The immense amount of stress from trying to cram in a year’s worth of notes in a four-hour period will release an immense amount of cortisol, allowing you to store all that information (and the weight of all your notes and failures). Who cares about “learning,” just cram it! Make sure to include two-hour breaks for every two minutes of studying as well. Doom-scrolling TikTok, Shorts, or Reels, whatever you vibe with, with your unfinished history notes lying uselessly in the background, really helps your retention. 

6.  Fantasize about your grade 

Now, after taking all of the advice in this article, sit back and take in the dopamine rush. Don’t even worry about the potential F right around the corner. After all, the F students are the inventors.

Well, we hope these tips will aid you in your studies. Note: We are not responsible for any health issues, declining grades, intense caffeine addictions, schizophrenia, deja vu, depression, exploding devices, exploding brains, deja vu, parental scoldings, exploding arteries, or deja vu that may result from any of these tips.