So You Think You’ve Found an App?

App: Homework 4 Dayz

Getmi Outa Heer ★★★★☆

I would’ve given this app a 3.5 if I could, but I just didn’t want to. This app broke into my car and stole my entire transmission, ultimately totaling it, but sometimes it glitched out and gave me a 65 on tests I failed, which was great.

Anonymous ★☆☆☆☆

This app is just garbage. It downloaded nine U2 albums on my iPad, and now I don’t have any more space to support Assassin’s Creed. I can’t even delete the albums. I didn’t even know U2 had more than one song, and I really didn’t want to. Delete this app. Why did it do this to me?

App: Super Essay Grader Pro Ultra Lite+

Fay Ling Graydz ★★★★★

There should be more stars!! This app made me breakfast for a week and even fed my dog! I didn’t even have a dog, but this app got me one just for it to feed! I mean, this app did cut off my electricity for 3 months and then set my house on fire, but insurance covered it! Overall, a great app.

App: Reference Tables for Free

Niid Kawfee ★★★☆☆

Pretty easy to use. It punched my mom in the spleen tho…

Cheet Sheat ★★★★☆

This app was missing a few reference tables I needed, but it had most of them. It also kept calling me Stewart for some reason. The reference tables also had pop-up ads of full-length Hallmark movies I couldn’t skip, but other than that, it’s an okay app.

Tyred ★★☆☆☆

All I wanted were the reference tables for physical setting/PHYSICS 2006 edition, but I got some guy’s résumé instead? I’m just mad that he probably has my reference tables >:((

App: Calendar Frenzy

Scliip Dehpryvd ★★★☆☆

This app takes some getting used to, but it’s really simple once you learn the ropes. It was a little bothersome that it froze my assets, buried my succulents in my neighbor’s cat’s litter box, and unscrewed every doorknob in my apartment, but hey, you win some, you lose some.

Hælp Mi ★★★★★

My racist, sexist, and homophobic uncle hasn’t talked in weeks! He used to talk all. The. Time. Always telling me stupid things about how women are government spies and the LGBTQ+ community is a sandwich club, so they shouldn’t get rights cuz all they do is talk about sandwiches… I think he means BLT, but I don’t know at this point… But then I downloaded this app, and he legit hasn’t opened his mouth in about three weeks! Can you believe it? This app duct-taped his mouth shut so I didn’t have to!!!!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!! A dream come true. If you have pesky relatives too, this is the perfect app for you.

Krajuayted ★☆☆☆☆

The fact that I couldn’t find the calendar isn’t even my biggest grievance. Last night, when I was making scrambled eggs for dinner, this app legit ate them. It just ate them… Right in front of me. But here’s the real kicker—It didn’t even do the dishes afterward AND it spit on my shoes on its way out. WHAT?? Who does that?! Ugh… 0/10