Soph-Frosh Still Celebrating SING! “Win” Over Juniors

As the results from SING! were announced in the theater, a great cheer emanated from the waiting crowd. Soph-Frosh SING!, for the first time in probably like, a few (we’re too lazy to do the research on this one #SpecIsFakeNews) years, beat the junior class, accumulating a total of (we should probably look this one up) points. Somehow managing to avoid point deductions for their infamous and catastrophic stage collapse, Soph-Frosh undoubtedly had a good evening. “It's a miracle, really,” said sophomore and cast member Zeynep Bromberg, noting, however, that the win was one hundred percent deserved and that “no, there was no undercover bribery of alumni, who even asks that, really?”

The juniors are less happy about the outcome. “It's an outrage,” fumed junior Adam Oubaita. “How does Soph-Frosh avoid point deductions after nearly getting someone killed? What idiot builds a set that is structurally unsound to the point that the Daily News has to report on it?”

Regardless of this controversy, Soph-Frosh is determined to enjoy their victory, even weeks after SING! season has ended. “Everyone knows we had no chance of beating the seniors,” mused Soph-Frosh chorus member Adrian Dickson. “It's a rigged system, so being able to overcome the juniors is the greatest achievement of 2018, or probably, like, ever made by anyone,” he continued. Dickson noted that he can still be caught dapping his friends in the hallway, congratulating them on their incredible victory.

Other sophomores, too, have been spotted dancing wildly to their spirit song on the sophomore bar, which is very likely more durable and structurally sound than their set. Freshmen, on the other hand, do not have a bar to dance on, and have thus resorted to awkwardly high-fiving one another and posting four photos of their crew every day on Facebook, complete with sentimental musings about the crew’s relationship and generous praise for each of their crewmates.

Juniors took issue with this, complaining that half of their crew was unable to make Friday’s performance due to the SAT exam scheduled for the following day. “How can we [be] expected to compete with such an important test on our minds?" grumbled Oubaita. “It’s like North Korea being happy about beating the U.S. at the Olympics because the Olympic skater was too hungover to compete.”

Dickson was unflustered: “The juniors can make all the excuses they want, but they are all fake news. What even is the ‘sat?’ The only ‘sat’ that happened was when we sat on their performance!” He paused, chuckling at his clever, hilarious pun.