Soph-Frosh SING!: Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss!

Welcome to the Kingdom of Staten Island! It’s so far away from Stuyvesant High School that none of the audience members could make out the lyrics of the songs they sang. You know, for a bunch of Soph-Frosh, the way they restrained themselves from making a Sophomore Bar joke was commendable—I know that took real restraint.

All the meta-jokes about climate change and inflation didn’t take away from the major point of the show: an alcohol addiction is a good coping mechanism, especially when it comes to mommy issues. Honestly, it all comes around as a bit of a trauma dump, with all of the “But you love me, right??? Because I’m your son?” (I know I said that to my dad before he left.)

But that’s okay, because you know what? We all got to see a 15-year-old shake his peach in front of a couple hundred people for free, and yet, none of us are going to jail.

Even with the abundant levels of self-expression and freedom of speach, they chose off-screen violence and gatekeeped the ending of the play (we all know it was because their smol Soph-Frosh brains did not have the brain capacity to even come up with one). Not very slay of them.

Evidently, the only reason why Soph-Frosh SING! won is because they singlehandedly solved the national debt issue—just print more money! They handled the situation like a girlboss, and the audience was so proud of them that they were willing to excuse the sheer amount of props that were dropped into the band pit.

Everyone was gaslighted into thinking that Soph-Frosh SING! was a good show.