Spoiled Rich Kid’s Mad Mom Won’t Buy Harvard Degree

This letter was anonymously sent to The Spectator’s offices. It has been edited for publication.

To whom it may concern at The Stuyvesant Spectator. I have written this letter in order to share my opinions on America’s flawed college admissions system.

I HATE MY MOM! WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER! I DO EVERYTHING SHE ASKS ME! I EAT MY [foggy] VEGGIES AND I CLEAN MY [sharky] ROOM AND THIS IS WHAT I GET! ALL I WANTED! WAS! A! [gosh dangit] HARVARD! DEGREE! ALL MY FRIENDS’ PIECE OF [probably very nice things] PARENTS BOUGHT THEM! WHY DID SHE NOT! AGGGGGHHHH! SHE IS SUCH A [dogs are very cute, you know]! RONALD’S MOM BOUGHT HIM A STANFORD DEGREE! HE’S A TOTAL [homophobia is bad, kids]; HE DOESNT DESERVE IT, I DO BUT MY MOM HAS TO BE A TOTAL [oh gosh, that is not a nice thing to say about your mother]! THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!!! FIRST IT WAS THAT I GOT EXPELLED FROM BOARDING SCHOOL AND COULD NO LONGER GO TO DUBAI FOR VACATION! [It’s the f word, okay] THAT! I HAD TO SPEND THAT BORING SUMMER IN OUR SUMMER HOUSE IN THE CARIBBEAN! WHYYYYYY???? [Oof]! HOW COME I CAN’T GET A HARVARD DEGREE WHEN ALL THESE [oh god, these are some messed up things] GET IN; I AM MORE QUALIFIED; SURE I’VE NEVER JOINED A CLUB OR GOTTEN ABOVE A C IN ANY CLASS BUT HAVE THEY EVER BEEN DRAGGED TO A PARTY WITH THE ADMISSIONS OFFICERS OF IVY LEAGUES? NO! I HATE THESE [I’m not sure what this word means but I will assume it is bad]! I HATE YOU MOM! I THOUGHT YOU WOULD COME THROUGH BUT YOU [oh thank god it’s just the f word] DIDN’T! I HATE YOU! NOW I GUESS I’M STUCK IN CORNELL. I HATE YOU.

Thank you for your time. I hope you have read this, and you have an understanding of how I feel about the admissions process.

Sincerely,

A disgruntled student