Spotify Wrapped: What Your Top Artists Say About You

Amid the stress of early applications and growing fear surrounding increasing COVID-19 rates, one respite from the chaos brightened our past few weeks: Spotify Wrapped. Whether you’re a diehard music fan or a casual listener, you’ve probably looked at Spotify’s statistical recap of your music listening history for the past year. I’m here to dissect what your top artists say about you.

DRAKE

Come on, add a little spice. There’s nothing wrong with listening to a lot of Drake, but unless you’re an avid listener of the “So Far Gone” (2009) or “Take Care” (2011) eras, you probably don’t put much time into your Spotify selection. And you know every lyric to “God’s Plan” (2018).

ARIANA GRANDE/MEGAN THEE STALLION

You spend more time on TikTok than you should, and your most-listened to playlist is the Top 100. You don’t spend a lot of time listening to music, but you enjoy it when you do. For the Grande fans, do everyone a favor, and stop trying to hit the high notes when we pass you the aux. We all know you can’t.

PHOEBE BRIDGERS/ELLIOTT SMITH

Turn that frown upside down! You talk about economic theory at parties and spend your free time pondering existential questions. You listen to “Kyoto” (2020) when you’re happy and “Between the Bars” (1997) when you’re sad. You’ve considered dying your hair a bright color multiple times but never had the guts to go through with it.

CAR SEAT HEADREST

You’re lonely but confident it’s “by choice.” You’re a pretty chill person, but underneath the nonchalant façade, an insatiable teenage angst bubbles within you. You probably have a journal that you never write in.

FRANK OCEAN

A popular choice, but you think you’re edgy despite that. You belt “Crack Rock” (2012) at the top of your lungs but stay away from iced coffee because you’re scared of getting addicted. You know every lyric to “Solo (Reprise)” (2017) but don’t know a single other André 3000 song. You also repost ironic Facebook memes and use the phrase “mental illness” too much.

KANYE

A safe pick, but a good one. You become livid whenever someone says that “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy” (2010) isn’t his best album, but you still miss the old Kanye. You still have hope that “Yandhi” will come out or that “Donda” will be a resurrection of his prime (spoiler alert: it won’t).

NAS/BIGGIE/DR. DRE/TUPAC

You think ‘90s rap is the pinnacle of hip-hop, and you’re probably right. You have a very strong opinion on the East Coast/West Coast debate, and you’re never going to change your mind. You think these gosh darn mumble rappers don’t deserve the popularity they have, and the only albums from the past decade you’ve listen to are by Joey Bada$$ and Run the Jewels.

THE BEATLES

Either you know every lyric from “Rubber Soul” (1965) to “Abbey Road” (1969), or you just like “Strawberry Fields Forever” (1967) and “Yellow Submarine” (1968). Either way, your music taste is pretty good, and you respect the classics. Your dad would be proud. So would all the middle-aged humanities teachers at Stuy. Please stop calling everyone else posers. Oh, and you probably also hate Yoko.

EARL SWEATSHIRT

You’re either super chill, or super not and nothing in between. You think that “Some Rap Songs” (2018) is his best album, though you listen to “Doris” (2013) the most, but his Odd Future days have a special place in your heart.

MAC MILLER

You’re one of two Mac Miller fans: you enjoy the uplifting vibes of “Knock Knock” (2010) and “Self Care” (2018), or you cry yourself to sleep listening to “2009” (2018). Either way, you recognize his underrated talent and miss him dearly. Also, summer only lasts from June to August: no need to keep posting pictures from it.

TRAVIS SCOTT/LIL UZI VERT

Take off your resale Bape hoodie, and pull up your XXS Adidas track pants cuz this one’s about to knock your Astroworld socks off. You haven’t grown physically or emotionally since middle school, but it’s okay because you’re compensating by using words nobody’s ever heard of.