St Patrick’s Day: An Underestimated Holiday

The new semester has just begun, and there’s already fresh hope for you and countless other Stuy students. The birds are chirping with the arrival of spring, you’ve just come off February break, and it’s time to make your academic comeback! Well, not really. Punxsutawney Phil predicted another six weeks of winter, and, if you’re like most people, your GPA is probably already in the trenches (just like Phil). But it’s okay! You’ll have another day off soon, in… another month. All you’ve got for now is… St. Patrick’s Day, which is… tomorrow? Huh. Not a free day off, actually.

As you walk into school the next day, you notice that something is off. Is it the stuffed leprechaun plushie staring into your soul as you scan in? Or the other one sitting on that bench over there? They look happy, but a growing feeling of unease seems to creep into your mind as you begin to see them everywhere. Whenever you take your eyes off one then look back, it seems to disappear, but as soon as you look somewhere else, there it is again. There’s one stuck to the ceiling of the escalator as you walk on, then another one sitting on top of the stack of trays in the cafeteria as you go to get your free breakfast. Instead of being greeted by the off-brand Cheerios, you notice the grinning face of the Lucky Charms mascot on the daily cereal. You tear open the container in excitement, but all you get is a face full of regular generic grain cereal. You look at the label again, and you still are face-to-face with the jolly green leprechaun. Maybe St. Patrick is just making the school more festive! Maybe you’re just seeing things…

But during third period, as the morning announcements are said, you realize that something bigger is happening. Instead of the normal club announcements, an unfamiliar voice comes through the loudspeaker.

“Greetings, students!” says a nasal Irish voice. “I am the Supreme Leprechaun, and you have nothing to fear as long as you listen to me. I’ve decided to cross the rainbow into your school because I’ve noticed a little bit of disrespect, to say the least. Did none of you acknowledge the fact that today is the greatest day of the year?! It’s St. Patrick’s Day! Since I was a wee little leprechaun, I’ve been preparing to spread the joy of St. Patrick’s Day to the world!! Besides, who doesn’t like pots of gold? Four leaf clovers? LUCKY CHARMS? This calls for celebration, so let’s make some noise!!”

Nobody responds. One person coughs, then speaks up. “Isn’t St. Patrick’s Day kind of irrelevant? We don’t even get the day off!”

Another person chimes in. “Yeah, what’s the big deal? Have you ever heard someone say their favorite holiday is St. Patrick’s Day, out of all things?” There’s silence on the loudspeaker, until the little guy himself hurries into your classroom three minutes later, almost tripping over his tiny boots.

The leprechaun’s high-pitched voice speaks up again. “Mister, I might look like all sunshine and rainbows, but shiver me’ shamrocks, if I hear that again, I might—how do you guys say it?—crash out?”

“Ha!” the student laughs. “I’d like to see you try, buddy. You’re smaller than the trash can over there, so I’m not too worried. In fact, I think I’d do pretty well for myself in a fight against you.” He flexes a bicep. “This here is Thunder.” He flexes the other bicep. “And this is Lightning. How’s your rainbow looking now, little boy?”

“All right, you asked for it!” the high-pitched voice yells. “Oi oi oi!” 

Nothing seems to happen, but with each shout, his voice strangely seems to grow deeper. As you watch in horror, he grows into a burly Irish guy about the size, and width, of a Giant from Clash Royale. His chubby cheeks are red with indignation, but he doesn’t just look like a green version of Santa. His hairy arms are a scary size, and he looks like he wants to throw a log at your class. Students cower in fear as his hat topples off, he throws his ripped jacket behind him, and he whips off his belt (complete with a golden buckle), swinging it into the air. 

“WHAT DID YOU SAY BEFORE?!” he booms. “YOU DIDN’T WANT TO CELEBRATE ST. PATRICK’S DAY? DO YOU THINK YOU WANT TO MAYBE… REPHRASE THAT STATEMENT?”

“My bad, Mr. Leprechaun!” your classmate yells in a panic. “Whatever you say, whatever you say, I gotchu! Just put away that belt, please—that could, uh, make times pretty tough for us, you know? Like you said, St. Patrick’s Day should be a time for celebration? Right?!”

“I guess you’re right,” the leprechaun concedes. “You all seem sufficiently scared. But,” he says, looking menacingly at your classmate again, “if you guys give me attitude again—well, you know what’s going to happen.”

The leprechaun orders everyone to leave class and get to “celebratory matters,” which he oversees from the arch of a rainbow that’s formed over Stuy’s building. 

As you walk through the building, you see your fellow students diligently painting the hallways of the school bright green, with others moving majestic golden statues that look suspiciously similar to the leprechaun himself. The swimming pool is full of lime Jell-O, and the cafeteria is serving corned beef and cabbage (better than the regular lunch honestly). Inside the gym, you see red-faced freshmen jogging the Pacer test while lugging enormous pots of gold.

“I don’t know how I got myself into this,” your friend pants, “but I’ll do anything to avoid that belt from earlier.”

You never thought you’d be in danger of getting beaten up by a peppy leprechaun, but you do know that you won’t be forgetting St. Patrick’s Day for a long time.