Stuyvesant’s Newest Clubs

With the end of the iconic Clubs and Pubs fair, our beloved Stuyvesant community is now burgeoning with new clubs, both large and small, active and defunct. Here is a sample of some of the truly incredible extracurriculars advertised to the student body.

Students Against Minutes

Students Against Minutes is protesting one of the most important issues of our generation: minutes. An anonymous member laments, “Why must we participate in this punishment? Why must we suffer through pirated clips of the Matrix? How many random news articles snatched from the New York Times will be shared before the English department relents? OUR SUFFERING DOES NOT NEED TO CONTINUE!”

To protest Minutes, students T-posed in front of English classrooms, lacing food they had brought with laxatives and attempting to launch “Minutes folders” into the Hudson River. Many of these valiant resistors were apprehended by the school, yet the club is still largely functioning and continuing with its various escapades.

Square Dancing Club

The Square Dancing Club hopes to teach the American style of group dancing. Complete with show-stopping tunes like “Chicken Reel Square Dance” by Square Dance Heroes and “Buffalo Gal” by Zip Wilson, members learn to appreciate the strong community bond and complex moves associated with the dance style.

Though the club has existed since the school's inception, it has yet to gain a single member. The club is mostly run by P.E. teachers.

TwoSet Violin Club

TwoSet Violin, run by Brett Yang and Eddy Chen, is the preeminent classical music YouTube channel. Their instruments of choice include rubber chickens, children’s music toys, and sometimes violins. The club was founded by the masses of TwoSet Violin fans running rampant around the first floor. Members play the “Tchaikovsky Violin Concerto” by Brett Yang at every meeting. The club focuses on contacting TwoSet through every conceivable social media platform. Most messages threaten to sacrifice the sacrilegious violas in the instrument room until TwoSet visits Stuyvesant and gives out bubble tea.

Disgruntled Students League

Disgruntled Students League is dedicated to airing the concerns of Stuyvesant students. On the club’s website at www.facebook.com/StuyvesantConfessions, students of all backgrounds lament their experiences. During meetings, club leaders express complaints through a Google Slides presentation. Notable meetings include “Talos Crashing when Schedules are Released (part 50),” “Let’s Talk About the Lack of Toilet Paper,” and “The MTA: a Menace to Society.” Club President Mickey Mouse, who wrote that the club has 2400 members on his Common Application, said, “If you think about it, all Stuyvesant students are members of this club. We all complain and love complaining!''

Liesel Wong Stan Club:

Liesel Yi Xian Wong was born on October 20, 2004, at exactly 12:51 a.m. When she came into this world, a ray of light exploded from the hospital room and was witnessed across all seven continents.

At the age of one, she moved her entire family from California to New York City. After graduating from middle school, she was named heir to the throne of Carrotland, a country in Antarctica. Since then, she has considered (and then rethought) achieving world peace, sailed around the world in her dreams, saved 100 people in Operation, and flown a battleship at the Star Wars Virtual Reality theme park. In her free time, she attends Stuyvesant High School.

Whether you play League or eat plain fries, Stuyvesant has a club for you! We’re a specialized school for a reason.