SU Interviews: Blooper Reel Highlights

Everyone knows that Science editors Maddy Andersen and Erin Lee exclusively interview Freshman Caucus overlords Willy Wang and Vish-UVV So-FAT. In fact, they’ve contacted them so much that now, their interviews are no longer productive, and are instead filled with distractions, bizarre comments, and the occasional frequent yelp or cry from Wang. The corruption is undeniable—I mean, the SU and The Spectator? Collaborating? Sharing insider information? (How terrible.) But because The Spectator is all about transparency, here are the behind-the-scenes of the many, many, many SU articles written about the iconic duo who held office this year.

*NOTE: all interview excerpts actually happened in real life. This is not libel or slander.

Magazine Article interview

(Erin and Vishwaa sitting at a table at Carvel with Maddy listening in on the phone.)
(Maddy typing for some reason.)
VS: Why is she typing; I’m not even speaking, like, what are you typing?

EL: Maybe she’s texting [him].
VS: (enthusiastically) She definitely is. She is definitely texting [him]. Oh my god Erin, you’re such a legend.
EL: I’m a genius. Maddy, can we start? First question.
VS: If only you used these skills to find yourself someone.
MA: Um, Erin, where are our questions? We didn’t make a list.
*unnecessary chatter for five minutes*
EL: Can we start this? Maddy, what was the first thing you told me about, the—
VS: Guess what’s today. Guess what’s todayyyy.
EL: (slightly uninterested) Your one month anniversary.
VS: (shocked) How do you know?
EL: (also shocked) Oh, I got it right?
VS: Yeahhhhh.
EL: *small celebration after actually getting something right*
...
EL: Okay, so I think Will might be able to answer this question better because he’s older—
VS: Damnnn. She came at my life.
...
EL: (to Maddy) Oh, I had one extra question I wanted to ask. Do you have anything else to add before we leave Facebook and experience? (topics of the interview: the impact of Facebook and experience on elections)
*No response*
EL: ...Is she there?
VS: MADDY ANDERSEN. Please report. Stop messaging [him], you can do that later.
MA: (returns) I am not. Um—
VS: He said otherwise.
MA: What?
VS: Continue please, I don’t have all day. I’m not free like you.
EL: I have to leave soon, too.
MA: Well, I’m not home either.
VS: Yes you are.
MA: Anyway, moving on to the next topic. (asks long, slightly confusing question) Do you understand?
EL: Yeah.
VS: No, I don’t understand English, wanna explain it to me? Continue.
MA: Okay, wait hold on— (continues explanation)
VS: *exasperated sigh*
EL: *lays head down on table*
VS: *starts hitting Erin’s head* …You have a nice head.
…
MA: In terms of Facebook posts, do you think quality over quantity holds true?
VS: (answering question) Um, quality over quantity, in terms of Facebook posts, I—
*fan blowing loudly in background*

VS: (mimicking fan) AaAaAAAaaAAaAAaaaaAAAaAaAAAaA
VS: Okay, quantity over quality in Facebook posts—
…
VS: I’ve highkey given all my tricks here. I’m just saying. Now you guys know how to win an election.
MA: Yeah, that’s totally what I’m gonna do next year.
VS: So if Spectator doesn’t work out, just remember, I’ll always endorse you guys for SU. I’m so serious, run for Junior Caucus, oh my god, run for Junior Caucus. Jane, if you hear this, these kids are not worth it to be in Spectator. They should be in SU. Continue with your question. I’m all ears.

PSAL Interview

(Erin and Vishwaa; latter is wearing his glasses with a missing left temple piece)
VS: *giving a serious answer quite solemnly*
EL: *notices the missing part of his glasses, starts cracking up a little*
VS: …
EL: *stifles laughter* Okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please continue.
VS: *continues*
EL: *notices again* *laughs even harder for an extended period of time*
VS: *gives stern reaction*

SU Financial Report Interview

(pre-interview)
VS: (talking about something random) I admit it’s so much more powerful...it’s so nice now—
WW: *Rapid clapping*
VS: (interrupted) It’s gonna be so amazing.
WW: *Rapid clapping*
EL: How is the alloc— (amongst chatter)
WW: (exasperated) Just get through the QUESTION.
MA: (distracted) I also might have to leave in half an hour.
EL: (continuing question) How is the allocation breakdown decided, and who decides?
WW: Whaddya mean by who decides?
VS: Whaddya mean by allocations?
*talking about confusing data in the budget report after clarifying the question*
MA: (having a revelation) Oh, so you ADDed. (referring to some number on the spreadsheet)
VS: (annoyed) Can you, get like, just like breatheeee. Breathing, mhm? That was the amount we transferred. No no no, wait, wait.
WW: (to someone) Do you want me to give you my laptop?
VS: So, okay. Our expense was $11,000 (murmuring to himself) …what theeeee whaaa... (trailing off)

SU Check In interview

MA: I’m gonna start with this (referring to question 10 on our list of questions to ask). Actually, can we start with this? (referring to question five)
EL: Yeah.
MA: [Question] five?
EL: No, start with 10.
MA: 10, *groans* I feel like is just gonna go on for a while.
EL: Yeah, let’s just get it over with.
VS: Oh say does that star spangled bannerrrrrr yeah yeahhhhhhhh (singing quite poorly, sorry Vishwaa) (William joins in)
EL: Okay so—
WW: (focused on SING! concessions) Let’s just get this: it’s dumb cheap for $40.
VS: Let’s get multiple in… (talks about concessions for five minutes instead of doing the interview)
WW: Oh yeah, did you read—did you hear my interview? (interview with another News writer)
MA: No, I haven’t yet.
EL: When’d she interview?
VS: (confused) Who—what is this?
MA: (explaining in background)
VS: Oooh, I don’t like that.
EL: Why?
MA: Can you text me sexual harassment thingy? Can you just text me those words? (for the sexual harassment course article)
WW: (hesitant) You want us to just text you sexual harassment?
VS: I feel so—
EL: That might be a little uncomfortable…
MA: Can you text me, like, the article thing? (correcting her earlier comment, asking for the text)
WW: Does it unlock like the dark mode too?
MA: Wait, what?
EL: Wait.
(Absurd laughter for no reason)
*someone sends the cryptic text*
M: Okay, thank you. I will put this in for Issue 13, can it be Issue 13? [the paper you are holding is Issue 14]
W: (excited) Oh my god, we can get discounts if we use our work e-mails.
V: Really?
W: I think so. (whispering to himself) Password: ilovewilliam. (Don’t use this kids; we tried already, it doesn’t work anymore.)