Ta Ta Talos

Bronx Science has been, and always will be, Stuyvesant’s petulant younger brother, seeking to impress and beat its better half by any means necessary. Now the inferior specialized high school has resorted to the lowest of methods: adopting Talos as their grading and course selection system. Yes, Talos has crashed into the BxSci dorm room and now alternates between the two schools whenever it feels like it.

Naturally, the BxSci students didn’t respond well to their new roommate. Hours in, the students were already threatening to shove Talos out the door, and the administration had to step in and stop them. Bored with the dull responses of Stuyvesant’s “we broke Talos again,” the gatecrasher found a new inhabitant to annoy. Just like how Talos couldn’t tell the difference between a classroom and the 11th floor pool, it couldn’t tell the difference between AP Biology and Bio Regeneron Research. Its system proved incompatible with that of the methodical Stuy system. As of now, Talos has only offered course selections to students, corrupting a few requests awaiting approval in the process.

But how did word of our glitch-proof technology spread to BxSci? Why hasn’t it spread to Brooklyn Tech or the BTech knockoff on Staten Island? Our department’s reporters have tracked the mole to a Stuy junior hailing from the recesses of Queens, who wishes to be kept anonymous out of fear of attracting the fury of students from both schools.

“I have friends who go to Science,” the anonymous student huffed proudly. “I just mentioned this new thing called Talos we’re using, and that it’s so popular that we post about its speed on Facebook. Then my friend mentioned to their friends, and from there, the news spread to their friends’ friends, and word must have gotten to the administration.”

Despite this claim, word most likely spread through a common medium of both schools: Facebook. In the Incoming Class of 2022 group, there are 2.5K members, some of whom aren’t even Stuy students. It’s possible, an enthusiastic freshman explained, that these infiltrators learned the ins and outs of Talos by reading the influx of posts during spring semester elective course selections.

As Talos spreads, so does its reputation and influence. Though Talos only controls the course selection process, it is only a matter of time before the administration expands its use to keep track of grades and schedule changes. We’ll be seeing more talk of ignored internet requests and dysfunctional program changes from our Bronx brother.