Terry’s v.s. Ferry’s

Recently, various establishments around Stuyvesant have taken advantage of dissatisfied students left in shock by the DOE’s school lunch budget cuts, doing their best to turn them into new customers. In the past week, spies from both Terry’s and Ferry’s hacked into administrators’ emails to send advertisements to all students, prompting the school to institute three factor authentication on stuy.edu email addresses. Both put out emotional statements with the goal of persuading the influx of potential clientele to choose their food over other available options. As the pulse of the student body, the Spectator hopes to enlighten all Stuy students (or just those who don’t check their email) by educating them on these new developments! 

Ferry’s

We’re going first this time. Why do people always say “Terry’s and Ferry’s?” Why not “Ferry’s and Terry’s?” It’s unfair, and we’re finally putting our foot down. It’s not because Terry’s is more important or popular, is it? Because we deserve better treatment! We’re closer to the bridge entrance than Terry’s, and serve much more sophisticated food. They might serve decent sandwiches and wraps, but we do it better. Ferry’s, a.k.a. “fake Terry’s,” was just a slanderous label put on us, but we’re not the only ones with an inaccurate name. The owner of Terry’s probably isn’t even named Terry! That’s false advertisement if we’ve ever seen one. Our real name is the “Gourmet Market.” You can see it right above our door in big white letters! We wouldn’t be locally renowned for our exquisitely gourmet meals if not for the visible effort and quality we put in! We have posters of food (definitely not Internet stock images) all over our exterior walls for a reason. Plus, we have a large, luxurious space and four stars on Google Reviews! Terry’s probably doesn’t, not with its tiny square footage. Being at Stuyvesant, such a prestigious institution, you’ve all probably learned that area can’t be negative. Well, all rules have exceptions, and in this case, that exception is Terry’s. Do you really want to eat another Terry’s sandwich after this? Probably not. Choose Ferry’s today!

Terry’s

Ha! Ferry’s was so eager to go first that they didn’t even think that we’d get to pick apart their baseless claims! Anyway, after what you just read, you must be disgusted. We would be too. Ferry’s, using its size as an advantage? It’s like David and Goliath, and we all know who won that fight. Support us, your local small business, over the proud self-proclaimed “large” business, Ferry’s! Have you ever been told to “support your local large businesses?” We think not. Ferry’s also stated that they’re closer to the bridge entrance than us. However, they failed to mention that you have to cross the street to get there. How inconvenient. After leaving Ferry’s, you see a small park and some generic buildings (except Stuy, of course). Meanwhile, after leaving Terry’s, you’re greeted with a beautiful view of the Hudson, not to mention direct access to Rockefeller Park! You can be sure that we’ve got all of Stuyvesant on our side. Heck, we don’t even know why we’re making this ad! Ferry’s is short for “fake Terry’s.” The brilliant students of Stuyvesant came up with that, not us. There’s a reason for that. Besides, “Gourmet Market,” is such a boring name. Ferry’s, do you know what happens when you search up “Gourmet Market?” Google comes back with whatever “Gourmet Market” is closest to you, because it’s such a generic name! We’re the first result on Google Maps when you search up Terry’s! That must count for something. To all readers: Ferry’s is a fraud. We just exposed their lies. Join the Terry army today!

During lunch periods, students could be seen with posters outside the school reading: “Exquisitely gourmet meals for the win!” or “The Terry army will prevail!” Both delis have expressed anger, with Terry’s accusing Ferry’s of “tarnishing the good reputation of our food” and Ferry’s accusing Terry’s of “taking statements out of context.” Unfortunately for both of them, all of this advertising may have gone to waste. Overall, Stuyvesant is still divided on this topic, and all that has resulted is a battle—wait. Breaking news: the Spectator has just received word that a third vendor has released a statement. Terry’s, Ferry’s, and their supporters are too stunned to respond. Stuyvesant is in shock. Terry’s vs. Ferry’s vs.…? Who could even compete? McDonalds and Whole Foods? Huh. They have no personality anyway. Pizza? Too common. It’s the…what? Impossible.

Halal Cart Guy

Hi guys. You might have forgotten about me. It’s fine. Most people do. I just wanted to say that I don’t know what Terry’s and Ferry’s are beefing about. It’s not that serious; our job is just to serve food. I like what I do, and I’m proud that so many people order from me every day. Also, I apologize for any stomach issues that my infamous sauce may cause. It’s definitely not intentional. Promise. Thank you for reading.

“We really did him dirty,” one anonymous senior remarked after reading the statement. “Four years here, and I never learned his name. I just called him ‘Halal Guy.’ Terry’s and Ferry’s had some flashy things to say, but little did they know that one man and his chicken and rice could outdo them both. Summarizing the thoughts of the student body, one sophomore declared, “Long live the halal guy.”