The Concept of Love And Loss

Calliope Sanft is an 8th Grade M.S. 51 William Alexander and received an honorable mention.

Robert walked through the door. He was just with his friends playing football. The house was dark, still, and silent. He tiptoed up the stairs and went to his parent's bedroom. His father was sprawled out on the bed with a book in his hand. "Dad, why are you awake?" Robert asked.

"I couldn't sleep, so I'm going to read," he replied.

Robert added a quick "Goodnight" and went to sleep.

Robert was still asleep until he heard some commotion in the living room. He lifted his head off the pillow and headed towards the top of the stairs to see what was going on. His mother was yelling. Robert scurried down the stairs as if he was a rabbit being chased by a fox. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his father. Passed out. Laying on the leather couch in the living room. Then, Robert noticed the paramedics. "Please stay out of the kitchen." one of them said with a tremulous voice. Robert turned to his brother, and they didn't speak.

"Are they resuscitating him?" Robert thought. "He's going to be okay, right?” His heart was racing.

After a few minutes, they knew. Their father, Buddy, died of a heart attack.

Robert was aware he had health problems like high blood pressure and cholesterol, but it was still shocking. The first one that tried to hug Robert, was his sister's first husband. He told Robert that things would be alright, but it would be hard. And it did get difficult.

He started to block out the emotion and not deal with the pain. Robert felt like he had no one to talk to, but in the back of his mind, he knew differently. His friends were there for him. They even forced him to go to a school dance. He almost felt back to normal. Except for all the kids staring. He was the kid whose dad died. He felt labeled.

Robert's career path didn't seem right anymore. He didn't want to be a doctor. Not after

that. He expanded the search for colleges farther away. Away from home, and his mom. Away from Manhattan Beach. He didn't need those pitiful eyes watching him. He didn't want people to feel uncomfortable around him. He needed to escape.

It has been 33 years since Buddy’s death. Twice as long as he knew him. Robert misses the concept of him. The concept of a dad with his son. On father's day, when Robert sees his wife with her father, it hurts. He thinks of what could have been. He remembers in little league when he hit the first home run of the season and his dad got so excited that he jumped up in the dugout and split his head open. He reminisces about the time when the family would go to the shop Buddy had owned. Filled with clothes and people in the front, and an office in the back where they would gather for the holidays. He went to the shop many times because his father was constantly working. Robert misses that store. It's now an accounting firm. A lot has changed. Robert ended up in the same neighborhood the store was in. He has 2 kids. He wishes they could have met Buddy. He thinks it's one of the biggest tragedies of his life. He tells his kids that his father was loved. Buddy's picture sits on the mantle.

We can't control death, but we can tell people that we love them. They might need to hear it or you might just feel relieved that they know. Robert loved his father. Would anything have changed if he said "I love you" that night? The night his father was reading? Maybe not, but you can always wonder.