The Feebie Jeebies and Facebook Junkies

No matter how many stunning photos you post on social media, Facebook is always there for your mom to post the most embarrassing pictures of you. 

As you sulk because your crooked baby teeth photos have been immortalized, you remember the versatility of lizard Zuckerberg’s Facebook. Not even a day ago, you posted a question in your own “WELCOME CLASS OF 202*” group to see if your new teachers this semester would give out extra credit for dumb events. This way of using Facebook is definitely a perk. As you go to check if your post has received any feedback, you find yourself scrolling through some new posts. And some more. And some more. All with 10+ comments and long feedback. Seeing this, you think it is only a matter of time before you find the extensive answers to your post. As your fingers begin to sweat from constant scrolling and your eyes water, you come to your question. And it has no replies. Just one from that kid in your science class who apparently had the same inquiry. You are left barren under the heaps of posts from Stuy Facebook junkies entering a ripe, new semester. 

After recovering from the horrible Facebook trauma you’ve faced today, you nobly decide to forgive everyone who ignored your glorious question like the A+ student you are. Little do you know, the “Stuyvesant Facebook Junkie” is the result of a curse. This terrible curse is called the “Feebie Jeebies,” named by the Harvard professor who keeps ignoring your cold emails. After a semester ends and students settle into their beloved regents week, they are riddled with worry about final exams and their new schedules. This worry starts out quite normally with only some students nervous about the upcoming semester. However, they keep stressing, reaching a point where they shake with anticipation and anxiety. Sometimes, the helpless student tries to control it. But they fail. It is far too late. The Feebie Jeebies have taken over, as the student presses the “post” button on their Facebook question that will never be answered for months to come. During regents week Stuy students are plagued by the peculiar shift of semesters. As their skin turns to bone, they reach for their phones exploding with Facebook notifications with other Junkies helplessly begging for advice. 

The weekend before students arrive for the new semester is when the Feebie Jeebies peaks. Upwards of tens or even hundreds of students scrolling on Facebook trying to decipher the “Anonymous” seeing if someone’s posted an answer to their question are no different than your dad doom-scrolling through reels. The good news is, however, the Junkies impacted by the Feebie Jeebies often touch grass on their way to school and eventually face the realities of no extra credit and eighth period lunch. They are no longer zombies chronically refreshing that one post or contemplating whether it cringe to ask their own question. Some people even fully recover from the Feebie Jeebies. But you won’t. You never will. Now go back to force-smiling for your mom’s Facebook posts.