The Happiest Place on Earth

Hiya there, Mouseketeers! It’s me, your favorite round-eared friend, Mickey Mouse! I’m so glad you decided to visit me here at www.notasafewebsite.com. Since you’re here, I’m guessing you’re a big Disney fan—just like me!

And if you’re not a fan, well, I’d advise you to leave while you still can. Toodles!

Okie dokie, now that we’ve gotten rid of all the Negative Nancies, I have some very exciting news! Mr. Walt Disney has told me all about his plans for the next few years, and since you and I are such good friends, I figured I’d share them with you! So, buckle up and renew your Disney+ subscriptions, because you’re not gonna want to miss out.

2024: Cars (Live-Action Remake)

Oh boy! Everybody’s favorite Pixar movie is back and even better than before! In this gritty retelling, our star Lightning McQueen (voiced by Harry Styles—yes, he will be singing) is a washed-up racer who struggles with a gasoline addiction. Things take a turn for the worse when he gets canceled for an offensive bumper sticker, so he heads to Radiator Springs to better himself. There he meets Mator (James Corden) and rebuilds his legacy with the power of friendship and hyper-realistic CGI.

2025: High School Musical the Musical the Series the Movie the Novel the Podcast the Series

In this Disney+ original series, follow an average quirky relatable high school girl as she starts a podcast about a novel that she wrote based on the movie adaptation of the series in which some high schoolers put on a high school musical production of High School Musical. Got all that? 

2025-2027: A New Star Wars Trilogy

Our man George Lucas is at it again, and he’s cooking up what’s anticipated to be the most thrilling set of Star Wars films yet! The trilogy is set to follow the life of fan-favorite Jar Jar Binks. We will finally learn about his early childhood on Naboo, his tragic adolescent years, his rise into the political sphere, his scandalous love life, and his innermost thoughts and desires. When asked about the movies, George Lucas remarked, “Once Mesa tells this story, Mesa can finally die peacefully.” 

2028: Avatar 3

Get hyped for the long-awaited sequel to the highest-grossing film of all time (not to be confused with Avatar: The Last Airbender). Everyone pretends not to care about Jake Sully and the Na’vi people, but we all know you secretly love them (would box office numbers lie?). But seriously, please watch this movie. We’re counting on it to pay our bills.

2029: Mobile Games

They’re all just different versions of Candy Crush but better, because instead of candies, there will be Disney characters. And we’re going to charge $10.99 per game (accessories not included). What a bargain!

2030: Everything

Yup, you heard that right—everything! Now, you may be wondering, How could they possibly make everything in just one year? Well, silly, we’re not going to make everything—that would be ridiculous! In fact, we probably won’t make anything ever again, because we plan on purchasing the rights to every piece of media ever created. Now you can’t be entertained unless you have a Disney+ subscription. You’re welcome!