The Manifesto of the People’s Republic of Stuyvesant High School

COMRADES, WE stand united having cast aside the shackles of capitalist and democratic oppression enforced on us by the tyrannical, but now overthrown, Student Union. We the students declare our right to the pursuit of collective happiness.

Primarily, when in the course of the high school experience it becomes necessary for a student body to overthrow the political bonds which had previously fettered them, it is a MUST and a gesture of good spirit to the students for them to declare the causes which caused revolution.

Thus, it is first necessary to declare as evident the fact that the history of all mankind is the history of class struggles. Within the hallways of Stuyvesant High School existed two classes: the class de robotique, who infiltrated all positions of power within the Student Union, making the SU a mere front for the robotique, and the class de proletariate. The robotique exploited the proletariate, possessing ownership of all means of production through CNC machines, 3D printers, jigsaws, drills, wrenches, and all other pythonarie. This ruling class of the robotique hiding under the branding of FRC 694, utilized their propaganda tools of Instagram reels in order to brainwash the proletariate to think he must show support to the robotique in the name of “school spirit” by performing the actions of “like, comment, and repost!” This campaign led to the constant presence of the proletariate on the Instagram platform, ready at the moment’s notice to show support, while the robotique used their machinery to build and advance their own class, with only members of this class gaining admittance to the Monopoly Inc. Territory (MIT) [soon to be the Marxist International Territory, as the revolution has spread], further encouraging the exploitation of those of the proletariate.

This exploitation of one class by another is the force behind all historical relationships. It is the way of nature. Given the inherent instability of capitalism, these forces inevitably led to a revolution by the proletariate, aided by those of the Communist persuasion—directed by teacher Karla Stalinan and senior student Vladislava Leninov—who aimed to dissolve all class distinctions.

The ruling class trembled at the Communist revolution, recognizing that the proletariate had nothing to lose but a world to win with all FREE and class distinctions eliminated. Proudly Advocating Labor’s Equal Status: The Inclusive and New Education System, the proletariate plastered all over. And last Friday, after weeks of effort, the class de proletariate achieved the ultimate success—a total consolidation of power under the new communist system.

Welcome, therefore, to a new period of prosperity and equality! Let us now outline the policies that will guide us:

Article 1: We assert that there must be collective ownership of knowledge, as knowledge should no longer be the privilege of the elite. Any knowledge that one learns must be shared immediately. All homework assignments and exams shall henceforth be completed collaboratively, and their results plastered upon walls and ceilings for all to see.

Article 2: No longer can we allow the practice of distinction to persist. No longer will there be a distinction between one of the previously assigned “freshman”, “sophomore”, “junior”, or “senior” classes. All are one and are allowed to mix and mingle. No longer shall there exist a “sophomore bar”, “senior bar”, “junior atrium”, or “freshman half-floor.” All of these places are henceforth commonplaces of the proletariate.

Article 3: There shall be no more competition. It is the source of all inequality and exploitation and the concept which concentrates wealth and power into the hands of the few, exacerbating social divides and prioritizing profit over human needs. No longer shall the Science Olympiad need to compete with the robotique, who had gathered all alumni donations for themselves. There will be no more competitions, no more elections, and no more clubs. All are of equal status. No longer will clubs compete for a mysteriously handled allocations process. Thus we will ensure that the needs of all are met rather than foster rivalry as had been done in the past.

Article 4: All must wear gray—the Stuyvesant gym uniform—to further emphasize our sense of community and unity. Indeed, color is a tool of the robotique to emphasize distinctions! Do not fall for it. Instead, let us embrace a unified spirit that transcends superficial differences and elevates our collective identity.

LONG LIVE THE…PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC OF STUYVESANT HIGH SCHOOL!

GLORY TO ALL OUR MARTYRS!

Karla Stalinan and Vladislava Leninova

Chair(wo)men of the Council of People's Commissars of the People’s Republic of Stuyvesant High School