The Mice Squeak for You

I know you’ve been feeling lonely cooped up in your little quarters all day, but don’t worry. You’re not the only one. Remember the mice you screamed at when you saw them scurry down the hallway or make a guest appearance in your lab? Yeah, they’ve been indubitably lonely as well. However, now that you’re all finally going back into the building, their social batteries can recharge too! In fact, just take a gander at all their excitement over these past couple of weeks right in front of room 740.

“Soda, can you believe it?” Jeanine the small mouse said to her friend Soda, another small mouse.

“Believe what, Jeanine? All you do is lie. I haven’t trusted you since our 2006 cheese feud, but continue.”

“Soda, go take a nap, I swear. Anyway, the children! The youth! The future of tomorrow! They’ve made their return!”

“Why are you talking like someone giving a motivational speech?”

“Don’t start with me, Soda. The point is, the kids are back!”

“Why do I care? All they do is shout for us to ‘scram’ and ‘stop eating the cookies before they’ve been placed on the very generous share table.’”

“We can work on that later, but don’t you see what this means?”

“Jeanine, oh my GOD. You’ve asked me that like three times already. Can you please just tell me? I’m going to see another pandemic before you do.”

“Okay, rude. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is um… they’re back!”

“Jeanine, TELL ME WHY I SHOULD CARE! YOU’VE STATED THE SAME SENTENCE TOO MANY TIMES. I DIDN’T CARE BEFORE, AND I DON’T KNOW WHY I WOULD AT THIS POINT. UNLESS THESE KIDS GOT 20 BUCKS AND CAN BUY ME SOME CHIPS OR SOMETHING, I DON’T WANNA HEAR IT!”

Jeanine began to cry real mouse tears. The tears were so large her back rounded under the weight. As she started her trek down the seventh-floor hallway in defeat, Soda stopped her, of course.

“Jeanine, oh jeez, Jeanine. Look, I’m sorry. Tell me about the ki—”

“Y-you wouldn’t care,” Jeanine managed in between sobs.

“No, please, Jeanine. What’s up with them? I’m sorry I lashed out at you. It’s just that if I didn’t see those kiddos soon, I might forget what stress and anxiety look like. Jeanine, please stop crying. Please, Jeanine.”

Slowly, Jeanine steadied her breath and blubbered: “I—I just miss all their stupid jokes and coffee cups. Gosh, I really miss their coffee leftovers.”

“Oh, me too, Jeanine.”

“I wasn’t finished. I also miss their TikToks in the Hudson, the fluffy scrunchies they’d always drop, their vehement hatred for the cafeteria oranges, and the absolutely wondrous half-floor.”

“Hey, Jeanine? You do know that half-floor was riddled with crumbs and absolutely disgusting, right?”

“It was awesome! Buffet time all the time!”

“Oh, Jeanine, you’re so right.”

To mend their broken hearts over not being able to taste all the miraculous crumbs that would line the half floor, Jeanine planned a mini-prom. But shh, don’t tell Soda yet. She doesn’t know.

“Hey, Soda?”

“What’s up, Genie in a bottle?”

“Interesting nickname, but okay. I just wanted to ask if you’d like to go to prom with me? I mean, since the kids won’t be here, it’ll just be the two of us? I’ll bring some chemicals from the labs upstairs. I mean, they’re colorful, so they probably taste good. Oh, I miss all the lab spills too! Anyway, yeah, that’s all I got.”

“Jeanine, before I say anything, there’s a freshman behind you.”
“OMG NO, WHERE?”

“I’m just messing with you. It’s the weekend, silly!” Soda cackled as she rolled around the tiles.

“That’s not funny… You know I don’t know my days of the week.”

“And I don’t know how to find motivation anymore. Join the club!” She continued to cackle.

“Please just answer me…”

“OH! Right. Yeah, of course I’d want to go, are you kidding? The only reason I brought up the kids was to try to segue into all their canceled activities, including their dances and such, so I could ask you first. But it seems like ya beat me to it. You always ruin my plans.”

“You’re so cruel. That’s what I love about you.”

“Now you’re getting sappy. How ‘bout we go hit the Hudson?”

“I see you’ve been keeping up with the Humor department of The Spectator, haven’t you?”

“Literally the only reason I don’t crawl up all those kids’ legs is that they write funny things.”

And so as the pair made their way to the infamous stairwell of infamous activities, they reminisced on all the times kids yelled at them, cried at them, and even tried to kill them with a College Algebra II and Trigonometry (or whatever the heck that textbook name is) textbook. When all is said and done, they still missed the presence of those relatively tall children roaming their halls. Legend has it that if you sit real quietly in the Hudson on the seventh floor, you’ll hear a variety of squeaks, which, as you now know, come from none other than our favorite rodent pair: Soda and Jeanine.