The Real Reason For Two-Factor Verification

The addition of a two-factor verification system to Stuyvesant sign-ins has garnered mixed reactions from the Stuyvesant community. Some security freaks—notably members of the Anime Club, who claim to possess several unreleased manga PDFs—claim that it should have been introduced years ago. Others, particularly teachers, complain about how much time two-factor verification wastes. Why was it mandated in the first place? Weekly Update #12 claims that the reason is to “add an additional layer of security by making it harder for attackers to gain access to online accounts,” but is that true?

Senior Senyer Eyetis tells us what he believes to be the real reason. “[Assistant Principal of Security] Mr. [Brian] Moran took my phone, so I went into his office during 10th period to pick it up. He was in the bathroom, but his phone was on his desk so I tried to guess his password to see if I could remove the 253 unexcused absences from my attendance records. I tapped in ‘123456’ and lo’ and behold: his phone unlocked and opened up to messages with ‘Mrs. Moran.’ How ironic that the Assistant Principal of Security has such an easy password.” 

“I felt bad reading his personal texts, but when I glimpsed the phrase ‘hidden in the Stuy cellar’ I knew I had to keep reading. It seemed that Mr. Moran came up with this idea [of the mandated two-factor verification] so that he could confiscate more phones, sell them on eBay, and use the money to buy more ants for his ant farm. Every time a student whips out their phone to log into their stuy.edu account, Mr. Moran confiscates it in the blink of an eye without listening to excuses. It’s pretty brilliant if you look at it from his perspective.”

Moran declined a request to comment.

Though The Spectator is unable to confirm this rumor, we felt obligated to inform the student body, so they can be aware of this potential threat. With the new Valorant season beginning, our phones are more important than ever. Please contact humor@stuyspec.com if you are privy to any further information related to this matter.