The Rhombicosidodecahedron

Final projects have been assigned by drafting teachers who are determined to torment their students. However, when drafting teacher Christopher Suter told his students the guidelines of the final project, he did not expect one of his failing students to design one of the most ingenious toys ever created: the fidget rhombicosidodecahedron.

“Needless to say, it was […] interesting,” Suter described. He declined to comment further, as he was busy fidgeting with the rhombicosidodecahedron.

Junior Michelle Yang’s fidget rhombicosidodecahedron is a masterpiece, with over 60 different gadgets designed to make pre-calc somewhat palatable. Yang has created an enormous black market by selling the fidget rhombicosidodecahedron in the girls’ bathrooms for $1.00. Within a day, Yang earned $50,000—not quite enough for a year of college tuition.

Some of the components of the toy include: a ball bearing to roll around, a pen clicker to click pointlessly, and a flat face that does absolutely nothing, but it feels nice, so there’s that. The rhombicosidodecahedron has an ingenious and ergonomic design and fits right in the palm of your hand, similar to a slightly small grapefruit.

Yet, with 420 faces, the fidget rhombicosidodecahedron has several unique features. For one, it has a portable printer. However, when someone tried to use it to print an entire textbook, printer functionality had to be disabled until further notice.

Another feature in progress has been the nuclear warhead side. Though testing is still required, a certain individual named Jim Kong-Dos has expressed interest. To our understanding, the U.S. government has deemed Stuyvesant a sufficiently depopulated area to conduct nuclear testing.

“I don’t know what possessed me to create the rhombicosidodecahedron,” said Yang in an e-mail interview. She failed to show up to school—in fact, she used the hologram feature of the fidget rhombicosidodecahedron to go to school for her. “For the first time since that multiplication worksheet back in third grade, I actually started working on the rhombicosidodecahedron the moment I got home. It felt like I was procrastinating on my other homework, but I’ve decided to put off caring.”

Regardless of what it was, the fidget rhombicosidodecahedron was obviously a success. Yang received an A for the class, and apparently, many of the purchasers of the fidget rhombicosidodecahedron have as well. Many teachers blame the “exam cheating” feature of the cube, but it’s obviously just the amazing de-stressing power of the fidget rhombicosidodecahedron.

Yang’s design for the fidget rhombicosidodecahedron shall be forwarded to the Fidget Company™, where production will begin immediately. The fidget rhombicosidodecahedron will be available in stores beginning August 2017, at the price of $599.