Troll Living Under Tribeca Bridge Reemerges

With backpacks that weigh several times their own weight, members of the class of 2021 stampede across the Tribeca Bridge every morning at 7:59 a.m. Multiple freshmen have also been witnessed attempting to roll suitcases full of textbooks down the bridge.

This extravagance by the freshman class normally ends by the end of October, but has yet to happen. As such, a mysterious figure appeared in front of the stairs to the bridge, barring all from entering on October 29. This figure, who declared himself to be Lord Grendall Troll, claimed to live under the Tribeca Bridge.

“For decades, I have kept my silence but after the immense and prolonged ruckus caused by the incessant little munchkin devils, I had no choice but to take matters into my own hands,” Troll said. “To have to look over at Yeezys hanging over the roof of the bridge was abominable, but this was the final straw.”

Troll has imposed many limitations on the items allowed on the bridge. Any backpacks that cannot fit into a locker shall be immediately emptied and its contents thrown into the Hudson River. When questioned about the effects of large binders and five section notebooks on the ecosystem in the Hudson, Troll replied succinctly: “Everything in that river is dead.”

Any textbooks found will be immediately donated to the Borough of Manhattan Community College. Furthermore, any student who brings a rolling backpack will be redirected to John F. Kennedy airport.

Backpack restrictions are just the tip of the iceberg on Troll’s new rules for bridge usage. He has imposed new restrictions on the elevator by limiting its usage to couples or soon-to-be couples.

Seniors have welcomed Troll, cheering him on for finally instituting well-needed changes for the bridge. They have pushed Troll to create divided walkways reserved for seniors, crossing tolls for underclassmen, and venue fees for freshman Student Union campaigns.