Trump Challenged to IQ Test with Senior Eugene Thomas
Reading Time: 1 minute
Senior Eugene Thomas was so distraught after receiving a test score in BC calculus that he challenged President Trump to an IQ test.
“You don’t understand. My 98.31415926 GPA will be permanently marred by the 96 I’m going to receive in this class,” argued Thomas. “It’s not my fault Mr. Cocoros only lets students bump their tests to a maximum of 92 with retakes.” At this point, he broke down in tears.
Thomas’s challenge was quickly spread throughout the Internet and caught the president’s attention. Trump replied via Twitter, “Yet another example of the liberal elite thinking that I’m stupid and that everyone else is beneath them. I accept your challenge, but we all know who’s going to WIN.” Thomas was slated to arrive at the White House on December 15.
In the meantime, Thomas prepared for the test. He studied old IQ tests. He memorized the cubic and quartic formulas (and their derivations), as well as the proofs for the existence of the distance and incompleteness theorems. He also made sure to memorize the entirety of all of the translations available of “War and Peace.”
The IQ test itself seemed to go as planned. Coverage aired on C-SPAN, which garnered the most viewers in the 18-49 demographic in the channel’s history. The two took to opposite sides of the Oval Office. Thomas finished in 17 minutes and 32 seconds, but patiently waited for the next hour for the president to finish.
The results, however, were not released to the public. When questioned about it on December 16, Trump yelled, “The test was rigged,” and then ranted for thirty minutes.
Later that evening, Trump tweeted, accusing Thomas of cheating. He wrote, “Obstructionist liberals are so afraid of losing and so dishonest that they insist on cheating. Sad! The American people will find out the truth!”
Shortly after, Trump tweeted again, announcing a second round: “While my wonderful staff is recounting the results of the tests, I’ve decided that we should have a second round, just for good measure. I’ve been practicing eighth dimension chess for the test anyway, so I’ll win again!”