Trump’s Twitter Timeline During the Impeachment Saga

The impeachment proceedings against President Donald Trump unfolded over the course of several weeks. When the Senate proclaimed him to be not guilty, he was compensated with absolutely no peaches (must be the worst trade in the history of trade deals). After a grueling finals week, everyone is too tired to remember what the whole impeachment fiasco was about in the first place. The Spectator has compiled a timeline of Trump’s tweets starting from his indictment in the House to the final vote of acquittal in the Senate.

“So the Radical DEMS in the House, led by that Crazy Bat Lady Pelosi, just declared me a traitor to the American people! She and socialist Sanders are getting too OLD and SMELLY for politics! Sad. There’s enough gas in their farts to power the whole of the SPACE FORCE and then some.” —5:36 p.m., December 18, 2019

“Babbling Biden COERCED Ukraine into ending an investigation into his oh-so-wonderful son, who has not even killed half as many elephants as my son, Donald Jr. (named after me, Donald Sr.); […] now I come along and ask them to do me a favor by stamping out corruption, and I’m the bad guy? Go do yourselves a favor Dems, and stop this Witch Hunt.” —8:19 p.m., December 19, 2019

“Cold Feet DEMS are too scared to send the articles of impeachment over to the Senate. Cold feet or no feet, this whole impeachment hasn’t got any legs to stand on, cold or otherwise.” —2:30 a.m., December 23, 2019

“Can you have feet without legs?” —2:31 a.m., December 23, 2019

“Wait, this isn’t Google?!” —2:34 a.m., December 23, 2019

“You know what would be really cool? If the Dems tried to impeach me, and they subpoenaed my officials, but I told them not to go, and then I like said the Dems had no basis to impeach me because none of my officials testified.” —3:41 a.m., January 9, 2020

“I think I had the wrong number for that last tweet. I was supposed to send it to Mitch McConnell.” —3:43 a.m., January 9, 2020

“Mom? Are you there? I’m really scared. Someone just banged on my door and said he’s a cop. He said he’s got a warrant, and he’s gonna send me to jail just because I abused the office of the presidency for my own personal gain. It’s MY office. I can decorate it and invite whoever I want to it, but I’m not allowed to use it for my own benefit? Help mommy, I’m really scared.” —4:40 p.m., January 14, 2020

“In the debates, silly Amy claims she never lost an election but forgot she was fourth place in Iowa! SAD!” —10:15 p.m., February 5, 2020

“Crepey Joe polling at fifth in New Hampshire! Is the DNC meddling with the election again? Maybe Joe should challenge Pocahantas to a push-up contest if he’s so good at them for fourth place behind CRAZY BERNIE!” —6:25 p.m., February 10, 2020

“Andrew said in an interview he would pardon me when he’s elected president. But I was just acquitted, and he has just dropped out. NO MORE $1,000!” —9:30 p.m., February 11, 2020

(For more tweets follow @HumorSpec on Twitter 👌)