What Does Humor Want for Christmas?

As one of the final touches to our absolutely special experience of 2020, the holiday season has arrived! We’ve had an entire year to contemplate what we could possibly want as our perfect gift. The Humor Department presents our own record of desired gifts, in hopes that Santa Claus will read our humble list and make our wish come true.

- Ethan: All I want for Christmas is a winter to wipe out the invading German forces.

- Logan: All I want for Christmas is a pack of exclusively grape Fla-Vor-Ice freezer pops

- Krista-: All I want for Christmas is a bucket of motivation and a frog (and/or any frog equivalents) :D

- Amy: All I want for Christmas is to never hear the words “coronavirus” or “COVID-19” ever again.

- Helena: I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need… I don’t care about DeVry letters, stacked on the recycling pile… I just want my EA round, from those 7 schools I actually liked… Make my wish come true! All I want for Christmas is decisions! (ooh ooh!)

- Nora - All I want for Christmas is a new Metrocard. Like the good old times.

- Lily - All I want for Christmas is a bacon, avocado, and chipotle on a roll. #FerrysIMissYou

- Sanjana: All I want for Christmas is an employment opportunity at Harvard (probably as a janitor) because why bother going through the trouble of getting into Harvard when you can claim you work there? My future’s bleak anyway.

- Oliver - All I want for Christmas is stew…. (stewwww, baby!)

- Asa- All I want for Christmas is to feel something, anything. I yearn for the mundane again, to enjoy the minor victories of narrowly making it on the train as the doors almost close on me or realizing it’s a conference day. I’d even settle for getting a chicken over rice only to realize the chef filled up the lid instead of the main part of the container and so I get significantly less chicken over rice for the same price, but despite being scammed, feeling oddly proud. Anything is better than this duo of emptiness and dread.

- Eshaal - All I want for Christmas is a kazoo, the world's most annoying, blatant, obnoxious qualities packed into one neon plastic vessel. I think it's very representative of me as an individual. Or, even better, two kazoos. Coolest kid on the block coming through.

- Erica: All I want for Christmas is some REAL people, not the ones that live on my screen. (I really like Krista's idea as well!)

- Katherine - all i want for Christmas is

- Liesel - all i want for Christmas is divine right … or a farm idk

- Arshia- All I want for Christmas is snow that isn’t yellow because the neighbor’s dog peed in it and refused to clean it up or that disgusting mushy stuff at the side of the road that’s grey and brown and half snow half water that New Yorkers call “sludge” or “slush” after slushies. And I don’t want that sad excuse for snow that’s half a cm high where you can’t do anything with it either. You can’t sleigh, or build snow people, or snowballs. And if the snow is powdery and dry, I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL SCREAM. I just… I just need some normal snow…

- Jasmine - All I want for Christmas is for Mr. Akhmedov to stop haunting my nightmares. Please I’m so tired

- Tiffany-all I want for Christmas is Trader Joe’s entire stock of Mini Dark Chocolate Mint Stars

- Caroline - All I want for Christmas is to not have to scroll for 10 minutes before getting to the recipe.

- Caroline - All I want for Christmas is to no longer have to learn debilitating information about “Supernatural” against my will. Obama follows a Destiel account. No one needed that this year.

- Kelly- All I want for Christmas is for my writers to get their articles in on time <3 (Just kidding. Love you all!). Also if someone could get me either expensive Kyoho grapes or a nice skin for my game that would be cool~