What Should You Say to Ruin Thanksgiving This Year?

Thanksgiving is a time when families can come together and share each other’s company after another long year, but it is also a time when families are forced into a house together after a long, grueling year full of political, social, and mental instability. So of course, in this climate, a fight is bound to break out—and who better to start it than you? Take this quiz to decide what you can say to ruin the holiday for everyone in your family!

1) What is your favorite animal?

a) Lion

b) Shark

c) Rabbit

2) Which subject is your favorite?

a) Humanities

b) Arts

c) STEM

3) How long have you been on TikTok?

a) At least since 2019, maybe earlier

b) March-June 2020

c) don’t use TikTok, it’s for losers

4) If you were stranded on an island, what would you want?

a) A TV, my phone, or some other type of electronic device

b) The Communist Manifesto <3

c) This question is impractical. I hate fun, and I hate you.

5) How many hours of sleep do you get?

a) 7-9

b) 4-6

c) 12

6) One of your peers is having trouble with a math problem, and they ask the class group chat for help. What do you do?

a) Give them all your answers

b) You were the one asking

c) Bully them for being stupid and offer no helpful commentary

7) Who are your top two musical artists?

a) Mitski and Mother Mother

b) Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj

c) I don’t listen to music

8) Which was your favorite channel growing up?

a) PBS Kids

b) Nick Jr.

c) History Channel

9) What’s your favorite color?

a) Blue

b) Black

c) Red

9) Where do you normally go for food outside of school?

a) Ferry’s

b) Whole Foods Market

c) McDonald’s

If you answered mostly As:

“So, who voted to take away my rights three weeks ago?”

A perfect question to pose during a lull in the conversation, this provocative statement will certainly have your whole family fighting in seconds. Not one to back down from a challenge, you are always eager to take charge and make your voice heard. That, or you just LOVE to watch drama unfold. And who can blame you? Whichever side of the aisle you’re on, you can’t deny that things are coming to a boil, and watching Aunt Hippie and Uncle Football absolutely lose it with each other is comedy gold. So have fun either participating in the battle of a lifetime or watching your creation unfold.

If you answered mostly Bs:

Finally confronting that one relative who body shames you every year.

Boy oh boy, haven’t YOU gone through a transformation over quarantine! You’ve done lots of soul-searching, probably self-diagnosed yourself and everyone you’ve ever interacted with, and have had a complete physical, political, and emotional makeover. This year, you’re ready to take the insults and absolutely destroy anyone who comes after your dyed hair. You may be problematic, and your only source of current events comes from “Hello Kitty says ACAB” posts, but honestly, I’m proud of you for finally destroying your ugly, dusty waste bin of a relative.

If you answered mostly Cs:

Nothing

You think you’re so smart, don’t you? You think you’re so special? You’re a coward. A big fat stinking coward. When you finish reading this article, I’m sure you’re going to go back to getting off to the suffering of others. I hope you’re happy with yourself and your false claims of “non-opinion.” You refuse to grow up and grow as a person. :/

That, or you’re the main character of your family. Have fun staring out the window with a melancholy aura as your family falls apart in the background. You may not be at the center of the action, but there’s no doubt you’re at the center of the show. And hey, maybe at the end of it, you’ll be everyone’s favorite for keeping your mouth shut.