What Your Favorite Formula One Driver Says About You (Part One)

In honor of the 2022-2023 Formula One season coming to an end, it is time to find out what your favorite Formula One driver says about you. In the words of David Croft, “It’s lights out and away we go.”

Alexander Albon (Williams, #23)

You love animals and give off “golden retriever energy.” It is a bit weird that your personality somewhat resembles that of a dog, but okay. Your best friend radiates “black cat energy,” making you two the perfect golden-retriever-black-cat-duo (like Principal Yu and Ms. Pedrick!). You probably still hold a grudge against Red Bull for replacing Albon with Sergio Pérez, but it is okay because Albon is driving this season’s Williams car like it’s 2019 all over again. You love trying new foods, you prefer to listen to music with deep lyrics, you are as confused as I am about the Duracell-Williams friendship, and you are not shy about using hair dye. You also have an unhinged addiction to selfies. We really don’t need to see you holding up the peace sign in every photo you take. 

Fernando Alonso (Aston Martin, #14)

The “OGs” always have a spot in your heart and you are one for the classics. You prefer quality over quantity, so when you submit your assignments, they may be considered “short” but are above average. You have two personalities: either you are extremely serious and have only one thing on your mind, or you are extremely silly and have no self-control; there is no in-between. You dabble in a little bit of this and that. However, your priority is to come out on top, and the thought of not being the best-of-the-best is scarier to you than taking a full year of AP Computer Science. You are “el padre” of your friend group and always know “el plan.” You make sure that your friends are comfortable coming to you for advice, and you love helping them out. 

Valterri Bottas (Alfa Romeo, #77)

You are “just here for the tacos”… and the cycling… and the mullets and the mustaches. You are kind of just there, flowing through the motions and strolling to your next class. You prefer relaxation over stress and don’t take life too seriously, but you are also not afraid of a little competition. You thrive in one-on-one sports, play by the rules, and live by the saying “If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.” Overall, you are genuinely just a really chill, neutral, and introverted person. Only those within your closest circle know the real you. 

Pierre Gasly (Alpine, #10)

You love pronouncing Pierre Gasly’s name “PIEEERRRREEE GASSSLLLYYY” just like Daniel “Honey Badger” Ricciardo because it is just so fun to say. Your friends and family are the most important people in your life and you would not trade them for anything (actually, maybe for a Roma bagel from Terry’s). You love having deep conversations with those you are closest to. However, you would never turn your nose up at a lighthearted gossip session. 

Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes, #44)

Just like your favorite driver, you are as hardworking as can be. You blow away all of your teachers and classmates, and surpass any and all expectations. You always give 110 percent and make sure that you get something in return. You are super competitive and have a bad habit of unintentionally carrying group projects (I know that you know what I am talking about). You like to win—it is as simple as that. But when you lose you are humble about it—in front of other people, at least. You take the 100s your friends get in Chemistry and Calculus and feed off of them, ultimately becoming the best version of yourself because you want to be the best, and you want everyone else to know it too. 

Charles Leclerc (Ferrari, #16)

Charles Leclerc is your favorite Formula One driver because you think he is hot (just kidding… not really). You are depressed from watching Grands Prix and witnessing your favorite driver repeatedly get shocked by lightning bolts of bad luck. Saturdays are your new favorite day of the week—not Sundays—because Leclerc’s qualifying magic is far better for your mental health than when Ferrari forgets a tire when pitting. At this point, you are more optimistic about an Honors Algebra II grade than hearing the words “Ferrari” and “mistake-free race day” in the same sentence. You are prone to silly mistakes and get into a lot of “inchidents.” As a result, you are extremely hard on yourself. Additionally, your dreams are 100 percent about you becoming a WAG. 

Lando Norris (McLaren, #4)

You are the embodiment of an iPad kid. Your average screen time ranges from 8-12 hours per day and it is not because of JupiterEd, Google Classroom, or AP Student, but because of social media. You are a social butterfly and always have someone to wave to in the hallways. You cruise through life, so it surprises your classmates when you end up with high marks because they do not anticipate the serious and hardworking side of you. However, your major beige flag is that you are a really picky eater. You are the person who orders chicken nuggets and fries whenever you go out, even if you are at a five-star restaurant. Your green flag is that you never let a day go by without singing, “It’s Friday then / Then Saturday, Sunday, what! / It’s Friday then / Then Saturday, Sunday, what!”