Best Tricks for Halloween!

“Make sure you do not study for your next test. In fact, pull an all-nighter playing games instead of studying. Completely bomb the test, and when you get that wonderful, big, fat zero back, tell your teacher that getting a bad grade was all a trick and that you should get a 100 in honor of Halloween. The teacher will be so inspired by your Halloween spirit that they will give not only YOU but also everyone else in the class a 100. It’s a win-win! The teacher will love you, your classmates will love you, your parents will love you for that grade, and you will get your first 100 to add to your currently nonexistent list of good grades. Only one minor drawback: it’s possible that your teacher will not be impressed and decide to give you a zero on all of your tests for the rest of the school year, but the odds of that are slim.” —Tamiyyah Shafiq, sophomore

“Tell everyone that you pulled an all-nighter blasting AP Daily review videos into your ears, hoping to absorb the information better, only to lose all of your hearing. Then enjoy your friends’ exasperation after saving you from oncoming trucks you didn’t hear. Relish your teachers’ struggles to communicate with you on paper. Finally, tell everyone that you can hear just fine and move to Nepal to escape their wrath. Or, keep your dignity and just never tell them you were pretending to be deaf.” —Isaac Ho, senior

“Find a person who looks exactly like you and train them so they act like you too. If you can’t find anyone who looks like you, just make a digital clone online (the internet can do anything, seriously). Then show up at school with your doppelgänger and convince all your teachers that they’re seeing double. Make a big show of being concerned for their well-being and tell them they should go home and rest. This will not only leave you with no teachers for a day, but will also make your teachers love you for being so compassionate!” —Sara Heller, sophomore

“The Sophomore Bar has gotten way too chaotic. Why don’t we help chill things out a bit?

Get the Human Ecology class to create a life-size replica of Mr. Moran, who will then stand guard at the Sophomore Bar at all times. Then, bribe the robotics team to build a speaker into the model and give it a list of all the sophomores! Next time a couple arrives to ruin the bar further, the pseudo-Mr. Moran will personally call out their names, giving anyone walking by a wonderful theater performance as the panic ensues.” —Ryan Peng, junior

“Ever wanted to give your friends a healthy eating alternative to Halloween chocolate? Step one: find your best friend’s locker. Step two: buy two candy bags, one filled with Kit Kat bars and the other filled with canned pink beans. Step three: unwrap the Kit Kat bars, replace them with clumps of beans, and reapply the Kit Kat wrapping. Step four: stuff the new Kit Kat-Bean bars into your friend’s locker. Step five: run. You will watch as your friend gets super excited over the secret, brand-new Kit Kat flavor and proceeds to take a bite into what is actually legume heaven.” —Ravindra Mangar, senior

“If a child shows up at your doorstep and says ‘trick or treat,’ steal the bag of candy from their hands and shove them to the ground. If the parent attempts to sue you for ‘theft’ and ‘physical assault,’ simply explain that their child asked for a trick OR treat, and you chose trick. That should keep you safe from any legal consequences!” —Gabriella Hoefner, sophomore

“Shove a huge bag of candy corn into someone’s arms. Dip without further explanation and watch their face twist with terror as they grasp at the forbidden kernels of sugar.” —Christian Kim, sophomore

“Go up to a stranger and get extensively mad at them for ‘forgetting’ who you are. Scream stuff like, ‘I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!’ and ‘MY MOTHER WON’T STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU!’ no matter how much they insist that they don’t know you. This is more than gaslighting. This is… gáslïtinque.” —Eshaal Ubaid, junior

“With only $25, you too can cover the entire Sophomore Bar in fake blood—a worthy investment. Simply mix a bottle of corn syrup with a bottle of maple syrup, dye it red with food coloring, and pour it all over the Sophomore Bar when no one is around. For bonus points, fill all the surrounding lockers with blood as well. The rat-child sophomores will be shocked to see their hangout spot looking like a vampire’s buffet, and the blood might even make the Sophomore Bar cleaner than usual!” —Michelle Huang, sophomore

“When your friends ask for candy, give them a single avocado. In this economy, an avocado might just be better than candy.” —Eve Lin, sophomore

“Steal a wallet from one of your parents and check inside. If you see a lot of cash, steal at least $100. If you only see a credit card inside, figure out the PIN and withdraw at least $100 using an ATM. Then, once you go to school, go to locker 5-189 on the fifth floor, which can be found near the German and Health rooms, and slip the bills into the locker. That will be the BEST trick and make the owner of the locker SO SCARED! He will be so TERRIFIED of all that cash inside the locker! It will be the GREATEST Halloween trick ever!!! Once again, that is locker 5-189.” —Munem Tajwar, sophomore

“This one is for the teachers! Tell your students that you are giving them a test on Halloween and then mention that you prefer tricks on Halloween. Never mention the test again. This will make them think that you were joking. Finally, on Halloween, give them the test and watch their grades collectively drop.” —Jai Shah, sophomore

“Many small children wearing costumes that are always either Captain America or a pink princess will ring your doorbell on October 31, hold out a small bag filled partially with various chocolates and candies, and exclaim excitedly, ‘Trick or Treat!’ Stare at them coldly with a dastardly smile on your face, and drop one of the small toothbrushes you bought in bulk for this specific occasion in their bag. Chuckle to yourself as they walk away disgusted, confused, and disappointed. You’ll be the real villain of Halloween.” —Vincent D’Angelo, junior

“Convince your science teacher to give a pop quiz on Halloween, with 30 questions to be completed in five minutes, and exempt you from the quiz. Instead, insist you deserve extra credit for giving them the brilliant prank idea. Watch the faces of your classmates turn blue in terror and laugh from the corner as they cry for their grades!” —Freda Dong, junior