If Your Dreams Are Like This… Don’t Follow Them

Now that the AP season is over (woohoo!), Stuy students have finally been able to get some sleep. However, while they slumber, chaos enfolds… in their dreams. It turns out that academics aren’t the only things they’re crazy about—Timothée Chalamet, toenail clippings, and history teachers are common themes! Behold, a collection of some of the most morbid, peculiar, and just gut-bustingly hilarious dreams Stuyvesant students have had—who else could be as extra?

Collection

“I pre-play my school days in my dreams; then I wake up and I’m confused. But sometimes it’s like I wake up and replay the same day and wake up repeatedly within a dream so I basically end up creating a dream time loop. And this keeps repeating multiple times so now I wake up and I need to hit myself a few times throughout the day to remember what reality is.” —anonymous, sophomore

“I had a vivid dream of being stuck in a candy factory on a ledge… the night before I watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” —Marzuk Rashid, sophomore

“I regularly dream that I am Alfred Pennyworth and after I send Batman off to do his vigilante duties, I bring a bowl of frozen grapes to the roof, and I eat them one by one while watching the sunset. I wish it’d come true.” —Maisha Thakur, sophomore

“I had a dream where my home got invaded by the FBI. So I was in my basement and I think all of my family had either been killed or taken and there’s this small window in my basement. I was waiting for the special forces to pop their heads in and then I would wrap my arms around their neck and let Fg=mg do the work for me (I’d take all their gear and run). But looking back, with my small self and them being 100 pounds heavier because of the equipment and guns… I don’t think I would have made it very far.” —Unique Zhang, junior

“I think I’ve dreamed of myself being pregnant at least two times in my life. It’s the scariest dream ever. I never found out who the father was…” —anonymous, sophomore

“I remember dreaming that I was taking the SAT in a McDonald’s, and I freaked out because I got Big Mac grease on my scantron, and then I freaked out again because I remembered it wasn’t halal…and then I woke up. Yeah…” —Eshaal Ubaid, junior

“According to my friend, she was walking in a dream and then she saw me, playing with really tiny needles and poking them into someone’s skin while looking VERY happy. And when she sat down next to me, I stabbed her with the needles while having a huge smile on my face.” —Ayesha Talukder, sophomore, about Sara Shen, sophomore

“I had a dream that I was a crab. I was at the beach and it was hot, and I was dancing with one of my friends who was a human. Then we watched the sunset together.” —Oleksandr Kurtianyk, sophomore

“I once dreamed about being a worm. I was doing wormy things like crawling around and stuff until this cat suddenly appeared and cut me in half.” —anonymous, sophomore

“When I was younger, my grandmother would take me to school. In the dream, she was doing exactly that, but we were living in some deserted wasteland. In order to get to my school, we would have to ride this sky-tram thingy (like those zipline carts) to get over this massive grand-canyon-size fissure in the ground. So my grandmother and I were waiting for this sky tram, but suddenly, we were falling and it turned out we somehow tripped into the massive fissure. Then we hit the ground and died, but it didn’t feel like death, because I was still conscious but couldn’t move my body.” —Eva Lam, sophomore

“I had a dream where I was running down a hill and then a giant snake appeared and threw me a giant Indiana Jones-style boulder and chased me down the hill. Then I fell in the ditch and there was an earthquake.” —Iverli Garcia-Perez, freshman

“I had a dream that my friend was a McDonald’s worker and put her toenails on my burger, and I tried to sue her but then she told me her mom died. So I helped put the toenails on.” —anonymous, freshman

“I dreamed about my sister trying to kill me in bed with a plastic knife and I cried.” —Shirley Lin, sophomore

“Timothée Chalamet was the waiter at an Italian restaurant and this mafia man was trying to get me and my best friend to play life-or-death Jeopardy. And because I answered a question wrong, Timothée, the waiter, turned into a rat who had pointy shoes. But we won… and the mafia man got killed!” —anonymous, freshman

“Okay so one time I had a dream where my mother and I were running away from a child trying to kill us (I have no clue who this child was—I have never seen the face in my life). So we ran out of the house because the child was very angry and scary-looking and we hid in Dunkin, but my mom was oddly very calm and the dream ended with the child walking into the Dunkin with a very menacing stare…” —Yelena Agadzhanova, sophomore

“I dreamed about my AP Euro teacher confronting me about not going to his DBQ practice sessions. I'm still scared.” —Eve Lin, sophomore

You know, they say that dreams are based on what someone did recently…which is concerning, not gonna lie. What have you guys been up to?? (Insert side eye.) Uh-oh, my stomach doesn’t feel too good. I think there was something in that Big Mac I had for lunch earlier today. Now that I think about it, the worker looked suspiciously similar to that freshman in my Algebra II class…AAAAAGHGHH!!!