Kidnapped Student Receives Only Streaks Snaps

Tragedy befell senior Alex Whittington after he was suddenly kidnapped on Thursday as he was walking home from school. It appears that two masked men offered him extra credit if he went with them into an alley, and there, they comically knocked him on the head, leaving him unconscious. “When I woke up, I was chained to the floor in this dark, grimy, soulless place, so I automatically assumed I was back at Stuy,” Whittington said. “Some masked guy originally wouldn’t give me back my phone, but when I told him I was gonna lose all my streaks, he promptly returned it.”

Whittington then quickly sent out a mass snap saying, “lol I just totally got kidnapped can someone call 911 lmao” with a picture of him using the dog filter on only half of his face. He also added a video of his Bitmoji twerking in a chicken suit to his story with the caption “constant mood.”

When he received responses to his plea for help, Whittington was dismayed to see that they were all streak snaps. “Half the snaps I got were just normal things that people had felt the need to add ‘gn streaks’ to at the end, to let everyone know they were mass snaps,” Whittington said in disgust. “One person just sent me a ‘S.’ What benefit do I get from a ‘S’?”

Luckily for him, Whittington had Snapmap on, so his mother was able to track him down quickly when he didn’t show up for dinner. For the first time in his life, Alex was glad that his parents forced him to add them on all forms of social media.

After threatening Moran into giving her all the keys to the building, Alex’s mother bravely took the service elevator to the mythical penthouse, determined to rescue her little nugget. She then informed the kidnappers, who were shockingly revealed to be elitist members of Bronx Science’s fight club, that she would be speaking to the manager, at which point they promptly peed their pants, muttered something about long commutes, and fled the scene.

The mother-son duo finally reunited, and Alex sent photographic evidence of the occasion with the caption “#momgoals” to the rest of his 948 streaks. Unfortunately, his mother soon began a scathing lecture about the importance of getting home on time. In the middle of being yelled at by her, Whittington apparently tried to return to the kidnappers rather than endure his mom’s nagging.