“Legally Blonde” Left in the Dust By Shiny New Competitor “Legally Brunette”

The Stuyvesant Theater Community’s (STC) fall musical “Legally Blonde” was without a doubt a bold new show to put on, filled with flashy pink costumes, wild lyrics, and just enough law to convince your parents “this musical is educational!” The main issue with it, however, was that the majority of Stuyvesant just couldn’t relate to the beautiful, golden-locked protagonist, Elle Woods. The average Stuy student has brown or black hair, bags under her eyes, and a slump in her shoulders that suggests she gave up hope long ago.

Thus, SLATE headed back to the drawing board before the final performance of the show. They had all these costumes and an enormous, glittering set, but they still had a problem: people just didn’t understand what it was like to not be smart.

“We need a new way to appeal to the common demographic of Stuy. Honestly, they’d probably feel more at place in swim gym than watching this musical,” SLATE member Emily Rubenstein said. “At least in swim gym you can be cold together.”

“You’re right,” fellow SLATE member Cosmo Coen remarked. “We have to appeal to the kids and really, y’know, get in their brains. But not literally.”

That was when it hit them; the situation could literally be reversed. With a few quick taps on the keyboard, an all-nighter, and many disgruntled actors, STC presented “Legally Brunette,” which was an instant smash hit.

“It just feels so relatable,” one audience member remarked. “Being blonde and being hot isn’t my thing, but being brunette and feeling smart? Still a far cry, but I guess it’s closer than before.” This sentiment was shared by many viewers, who could understand “Nellie Hoods” and her struggles, which included having to go to parties, learning to dance, and having real social interaction for the first time in her life.