Notre Damsel in Distress

France, hard hit by widespread protests over gas taxes and rampant inequality, was dealt another blow earlier this month when one of its most iconic and recognizable monuments was lightly toasted. The response from the international community was immediate and unequivocal: the world stood with France.

French billionaires in particular pledged millions to help the rebuilding effort, demonstrating their admirable commitment to fixing problems other than the widespread inequality which has led to months of protests in Paris. Samson Sivousplait, CEO of a company that probably makes baguettes or something, pledged approximately 50 million euros, and was quoted as saying, “I am glad to aid in rebuilding le Notre Dame. As long as none of my money is going to le plebs, I am honored to be a part of this effort for all of France, or at least le rich half, to come together and give money to le Catholic Church. Vive le France, oui?”

Across the pond, entertainment company Disney promised $5 million to help the rebuilding. CEO Robert Iger told The Spectator, “It is truly a wonderful thing to see how the richest people in the world can come together and give some measly amount of our obscene wealth to fix a church (but not world hunger, of course).” Iger refused to comment on why a 2018 survey found that some 68 percent of Disneyland employees did not have reliable access to adequate amounts of food.

France’s president, Emmanuel Macron, has been praised by many for his handling of the crisis. He has promised to rebuild Notre Dame within five years, a promise only slightly less realistic than the idea of Macron being reelected in 2022. His swift response has gained him favor with many in France, and his approval ratings have risen drastically and are now hovering near the percentage of Disneyland employees who consistently ate three meals a day last year—32 percent.

Whether in France or not, we can all take inspiration from the remarkable solidarity that has been shown over the minor damage of this cathedral which was initially paid for by the Crusades, a famously proud moment in French history. Overall, the takeaway is clear: when in France, anti-Semitism and inequality are fine, but mess with any old buildings and you could get into trouble.